▶ Your Answer :
The line graph above illustrates the percentage changes from 1990 to 2002 compared with 1989 among the five cities New York, Madrid, Tokyo, Frankfurt and London. <(change of what?) In Overall, House prices were tended to be quite cheaper between 1990 and 1995, except to cities in Madrid and Frankfurt where a little bit the figure slightly exceeded the average of 1989.
It is interesting to note that Tokyo and London's house prices were decreased by more than 5 percents.<(when?) <전 내용과 contrast를 하실려면 같은 시기에 다른 도시에 대해 전달을 해주시거나 다른 시기에 같은 도시에 대한 정보를 전달 해주셔야합니다> In contrast, house value of the four remaining main cities soared up after seven years from then, only except for Tokyo, which was still cheaper at around 5 percent than the average in 1989. In particular, Especially London had significantly increased more than 10 percent <(compared to what?)) and other cities, Madrid, and Frankfurt, showed less climbing 5 percent, 4 percent and 1.5 percent, respectively.<(unclear what these figures represent) To sum up, the chart indicates that the house prices in two part of the period compared to 1989 throughout the main five capitals in the world. <(Overview를 주셨기 때문에 conclusion은 따로 필요가 없습니다)
Score: 5 Comment: 내용 정리를 조금 더 해주시고 정보를 조금 더 전달을 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 어떠한 order이나 방식으로 전달해주셨는지 clear 하지 않으며 정보에 대한 specificity도 떨어집니다. 내용 Grouping/paragraphing도 해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 문법상 word choice/preposition use/spelling/표현/conjunction use/문장구조/에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 수정이나 코멘트를 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다! |