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It is currently believed that people’s jobs are a is very important thing in the life. There are many things to consider before choosing a work/occupation/career/. Because working time takes more than a half of the people’s daily life awakening time.<(sentence fragment/because로 문장을 시작하는 것은 추천하지 않습니다) In this essay, I will suggest two crucial factors that must be think deeply for the of job satisfaction.
First, co-workers are is the most important thing to say in the work for the great job satisfaction. People spend more than eight 8 hours a day at in the work with other employees. They make conversations and have meetings everyday for the same goal of the company. Even if it is difficult to work, people can be satisfied with great co-workers who really understand their mind and encourage them keep cheer up. In contrast, a person may quit in a short time if they cannot get along with their coworkers you will be quit in short time, there are someone who blame you continuously. In fact, many of my friends quit their job for those co-worker related reasons/problems. <(숫자 1~9는 글로 써주셔야합니다)
Secondly, time control/working hours is the main element of employee’s well being. This is especially a considerable factor for the working moms who really need time for their children. If they can choose their work time, they will be delighted and make more effort more for their work. In a newspaper I read yesterday, mothers who have young children work longer for the company where employees can choose working hours time on work.
Although there are a lot many more factors for the job satisfaction, these two elements that I mentioned above are really important. Nowadays, only a few IT companies allowed their employees to control their working time, but I firmly believed that most of employees will be choose their working time in the future. It will bring the companies better efficiency compared to the with 9to5 nine to five working time.
Score: 5.5 Comment: Tasks를 fully satisfy 해주시지 않았습니다. 두 번째 질문인 how realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers에 대해서는 답을 안해주신 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 전체적으로 문법에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 틀리시는 곳이 많습니다. Word choice/spelling/article use/어순/문장구조/표현/formality/number rules/verb form/plurality/preposition use/에 주로 틀리시고 계십니다. 수고 하셨습니다! _________________ |