서론과 결론만 언급해 보겠습니다.
먼저 서론에서 너무 많은 글들을 쓰셨죠. 빨간 글씨를 깔끔하게 요약할 수 있습니다. Therefore, I prefer~~because of 첫번째 이유, 두번째 이유, and 세가지 이유. 이 정도로 바디의 토픽 정도 언급하시는게 좋습니다. 그리고, 결론부분이 좀 이상합니다. 내가 원하기 때문에 다른 사람도 원한다. 이건 논리적 오류이겠죠?
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┼ ▨ 푸른소나무님..그외 고수님들의 평가부탁드립니다.. - 늙막에 ┼
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│ Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you prefer to live in? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
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│ In these day, most of the people tend toward live in rural area more than urban area. The reasons which they want to live in rural area are a variety of things. (Firstly, the country side was felt freedom, secondly, they live to combine with natural environment, and third, the area make to be more human. Therefore, I prefer to live in small town or rural area after I retire from all of my work.)
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│ I have lived in a big city since I was born. I have really never take out of the big city still now. Some day, when I was middle school student, I went to picnic with my friends and teachers. At that time, I saw very larger fields, I smelled too fresh air that I never breathed at a big city. The air give me new inspiration, and I felt my brain was evoked by it that time. After going to the picnic, I have always gone to the country side so far. I love to touch the fresh air at my cheek and whole body.
│ Secondly, I have always seen many buildings, and many cars when I opened my eyes. The all of things usually give to feel discomfort. My husband and I discussed about our environment, so we decided on moving to out side from city urban area. After moving, when I waked up early morning, and opened my windows, I can see mountains in front of my house. The mountains often was told me " hi, how are you?, Can you sleep well?". I like to talk with my mountains.
│ Finally, now, my age is over forty, so I often think and make a plan about my retirement. I love to live in deep mountains and combine with animals in natural forests. If I were older person than now, I will stay in my house whose garden is very larger and has raised many animals. I really hope so to be that.
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│ In sum up, I can understand, nowadays, most people prefer to live in a small town or rural area because I also want to live there. Living in a small town or rural area will give everyone very peaceable living, make them as more humanistic being.
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