▶ Your Answer :
A lot of people think that children should be paid a small amount of money when they do house chores such as cooking and doing laundry. I also agree with this statement. Because it is helpful for their house and family member own. And children early study a concept of economy. To begin with, be paid a small amount of money is helpful for their own, parents and their house providing a small amount of money provides good outcome from home. Because, the reason is simple. they want to get a more money. So they work their house chores more hardly harder. Normally, in children, they do not like to work for their home. Because it is little hard for chidren children. However, if they are paid when they are doing house chores, they would make and save their fee. It is motivation for their. In this case, house is also cleared than before. So, I argues that it is helpful to their own, parent and house. This is catch a three birds with a one stone.
Moreover, they study a concept of economy If children learn about making a money, they could get a more widely comprehension about economy. This could be a chance to get a success in a economy. For example, according to the survey conducted by NYU’s research department, 82 percent of the participants who were paid when they were children answered that it helpful for their idea of ecomony. So they now get a big salary in their company. To sum up, I agree with that children should be paid a small amount of money when they do house chores such as cooking and doing laundry Because, be paid a small amount of money when they are doing such as, house chores is helpful for their own, parent and their house. And Moreover, they could get a concept of economy. Fair: 17~23 점수: 19 일단 전체적으로 어법상 말이 이상한 곳이 많아서 어떠한 말을 할려고 하는 지 애해가 안되는 곳이 많습니다. 이러한 부분 때문에 전체적으로 본인이 어떠한 의견을 전달하려고 하는지를 잘 모르겠습니다. 따라서 좀 더 구체적인 설명과 간결한 문장을 통해서 본인의 의견을 명확하게 전달할 수 있는 것 부터 중점을 두고 서술하시는 것이 가장 중요할 거 같습니다. 내용면에서 이러한 부분 때문에 전체적인 플로우를 방해합니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
질문이 있습니다 ! 주장을 할때요, could 나 can 을 써도 되나요? . might 는 안될 것 같고 could 나 can도 좀 약한 뉘앙스니까 안될 것 같은데,, 어떤가요? 그리고 have to 같은것은 써도 될런지.. 궁금합니다. can이나 could might는 상황에 따라서 다 서술될 수 있습니다. 상황에 따라서 본인이 명시한 단어들을 사용 할 수 도 있고 못 사용 할 수 도 있습니다.
매번 첨삭 감사드립니다. 좋은 하루보내세요! |