▶ Your Answer :
It is debatable whether getting advice from peers is better than getting advice and help from older people. This is an intriguing question because opinions concerning this issue can be differenet depeding different depending on the individual perspectives. In my opinion, however, I support that getting advice from older people is better for the following reasons. It is beneficial for your success. To begin with it is beneficial for one's success Having lived a long time, older people have already experienced many things in life, thus they have a bigger view on matters such as how to succeed, how to live happily, and how to socialize. Their suggestions are likely reduce the chance of making a mistake. It will make allows you to better understand other thoughts and perspectives allow people to better understand other thoughts and perspective. For example, when I was in middle school, I fought with my peers due to the small problem. I bothered my friend, John since it was really fun. Then he was really upset to me. When I said this problem to my grandfather, he taught me a lot of valuable lessons such as responsibility, social skills, communication skills and so on and communication skills. Also he talked about generous values of human life. Through this experience, I realized that there were a lot of value in our society and we should think about other people's emotion. I applogized apologized to John, and we restore our frienship resolved our relationship. Until now, I have used the valuable thoughts that my grandfather told me at that time. Further, I became successful by behaving those of value in my daily life. In conclusion, I firmly believe that getting advice from older people is a lot better than from the peers. All things considered, it is my belief that my argument regarding this topic has been precisely and effectively delivered with the reasons mentioned above. Never should we forget that this may have a huge impact in our future. Fair: 17~23 점수: 21 일단 전체적으로 논리적인 면에 잇어서는 아주 잘 서술하였습니다. 하지만 문법적인 오류들이 많습니다. 제가 참석한 것을 보시고 확인 하시길 바랍니다. 또한 하나의 이유에 모든것을 다루는 것 보다는 두 개 이상의 이유를 서술하는 것을 추천합니다. 두 개 이상의 이유를 서술해야지 설득력을 높아 주는 것 뿐만아니라 전체적인 에세이 질 또한 높입니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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