▶ Your Answer : There is a controversial issue whether
children should learn to manage their own money at young age so as to become
financially responsible adults This topic is an intriguing issue because
opinions regarding this topic can be different relying depending on individual
perspectives. In my opinion, however, it is not necessary for children to learn
to manage their own money at the young age for the following reason.
To begin with, children can not focus on
their classes they need to learn, if they pay attention to study managing money.
Also, to become financially responsible adults, this would be naturally
improved little by little. Today’s children are in bad economy with low employment
rate. From this atmosphere, many companies require children to show their
distinguished specifications in their future. Therefore they should prepare to join
in this bad economy in advance. Not only that, Today’s people are evaluated by
their grade from their student life. That is, it is beneficial issue for
children to study hard than to learn to manage their own money. To be specific,
my youngest brother focused on managing his money by my parents in order to
learn effectively to use money. However, he had already many subjects he should
learn. As a result, his GPA had been gradually decreased. However, he started
studying only their subjects without managing money. Accordingly, his grade increased
in constantly keeping high degree. After that time, he has managed effectively
his GPA in high position, and lots of companies want to hire my youngest
brother. Moreover, he has learned that his money is saved effectively with giving
him stable financial support when he only focus on something he need to learn.
Without this experience, he would not get a good position with high GPA, even
though he have learned intensively to manage his money.
In conclusion, it is not necessary for
children to learn to manage their own money at the young age so as to become financially
responsible adults. All things considered, it is my belief that my argument
concerning this issue has been effectively and precisely delivered with a reason
mentioned above. Never should we forget that my argument may have huge impact on
our life. Fair: 17~23 점수: 21 일단 하나의 이유에 장황하게 모든 것을 설명하는 것 보다는 간결하게 두 개 이상의 바디를 서술하는 것 이 좋습니다. 지금 이 내용도 물론 좋습니다 본이느이 에세이를 통해서 왜 돈을 저축하는 것보다 공부에 집중하는 것이 좋은 지 알 수 있습니다. 하지만 좀 더 구체적으로 에세이 주제를 풀어나가기 위해서는 하나의 이유 보다는 두 개 이상의 이유를 서술하는 것을 좀 더 추천 합니다. 하나의 이유는 한계가 있습니다. 이것 이외에는 문제가 되는 것이 없어 보입니다 수고많으셧습니다. |