▶ Your Answer :
In recent years,
the number of students with high desire to work has been greatly increased. Some
people think that it is better for teenage students not to have part-time jobs,
however, in my opinion, it is beneficial for teenage students to have part-time
jobs. This is mainly because having a part-time job can heighten insights and benefit
their future career. First of all,
having a part-time job plays an important role in broadening students’
perspective. This is attributable to the fact that variety of jobs expose students
to the different thoughts and ideas that they have never conceived before. As a
result, they can take a quantum leap in intellectual growth and accept
diversity which is important in an era of globalization. Recently, a study
conducted by Kim et al. (2018) has revealed which reveals that people with work experiences
coped better with the financial crisis than people with no work experiences.
This indicates that experiences achieved from the part-time jobs may help
students to develop flexible thoughts and responses needed in the case of facing unexpected
problems. Secondly, having
a part-time job can be helpful for students’ future career. This is due to the
fact that, if students work for a part-time job, there will be more chances for
students to meet variety of people, and this can help developing social and
communication skills. That is, as modern society become has become increasingly specialized,
today’s company are looking for employees with such abilities. Therefore,
social and communication skills are required to compete for jobs in these highly
competitive labor markets. For example, my uncle, who work works as a personnel
manager in Samsung Electronics, always asserts that lots of job applicants consider
their GPA or academic performances a major factor and try to emphasize on those
factors in a job interview. However, indeed, most of the interviewers look for
applicants possessing high communication and social skills. This illustrates
that having a part-time job is a sure way for students to prepare for the
future job. In summary, part-time jobs will allow students to
build their social abilities and gain valuable experiences. In this regard, I
strongly recommend students to have part-time jobs. Good: 24~30 점수: 25 독립형 에세이에서 가장 크게 보는 것은 본인의 의견과 예시들이 상대방을 설득 할 수 있냐 입니다. 이러한 부분에 있어서는 지금 이 에세이는 아주 잘 충족 시키고 있는 거 같습니다. 각 바디의 예시들이 전체적인 이유를 가장 잘 서포트 해주고 있습니다. 다만 아쉬운 점은 약간의 문법적 오류들이 있지만 전체적인 에세이 플로우는 방해하지 않고 있는 잘 서술된 독립형 에세이입니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |