■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : An inexperienced worker at a lower salary is better
than an experienced worker at a higher salary. |
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▶ Your Answer : Some people might say that an inexperienced
worker is better than an experienced worker because the company have has to give a
lot of salary to the experienced worker. However, in my opinion, hiring an
experienced worker will bring many benefits than inexperienced one. This is
because they works work effectively and makes make few mistakes than inexperienced
employees. 주제를 벗어났습니다 experienced vs inexperienced에 대한 것이 아니라 높은 임금을 받는 경험이 많은 사람이 좋냐 경험이 적지만 낮은 임금을 받는 것이 좋냐에 대한 에세이입니다.
First of all, experienced workers have
efficient style of work. They could make lots of outcomes compared to the beginner
worker at the same time. For example, a group of economist conducted a survey
which investigates the relationship between working experience and their
outcome. They collected five hundreds of employees from the factory as the
respondent. Half of them worked just one month and the others worked more than
three years. The researchers asked them how many products they could make in a
week. The beginners answered that they could make seven products in average.
The skilled workers said that they could produce twelve products in average.
According to survey result, the experienced workers could make more than five
products in a week compared to the beginner. Thus, the researchers concluded
that an experienced worker works more effectively than worker who just starts
work. Accordingly, although the experienced workers required a lot of salary,
they give more outcomes to the company in efficient way.
Second, inexperienced workers make various
mistakes which could bring damages to the company. On the contrary, experienced
workers usually do not make a crucial mistake. This is a big difference between
inexperienced workers and experienced one. When I was working in the broadcasting
station, there were two copywriters. One just started her career and another
worked for five years. The former writer made many mistakes. Therefore, other
writers spent their office hour to support her. Yet, the skilled writer did not make mistakes.
Unfortunately, the beginner writer was not helpful to the broadcasting station.
Also, sometimes she made big mistakes in the on-air. Thus, hiring a skilled
worker is beneficial to prevent an important mistake.
In conclusion, although the experienced
workers required big salary, I insist that they are better than inexperienced
workers, since the experienced workers work more effectively and make few
mistakes. Fair: 17~23 점수: 19 일단 문법적인 오류가 없는거에 있어서는 잘 서술된 에세이입니다. 하지만 주제를 벗어났습니다. 인트로에서만 주제를 벗어났으면 괜찮다고 생각 했는데 바디에서도 주제를 벗어났다라는 느낌을 받았기에 문제가됩니다. 에세이를 서술하시기 전에 주제가 뭐에 관련된 건지를 먼저 관찰 하고 서술해주시길 바랍니다. 이 에세이의 주제는 높은 임금을 받는 경험많는 사람 vs 낮은 임금을 받는 경험이 없는 사람에 대한 것 입니다. 따라서 주제를 벗어나지 않게 노력하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |
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