▶ Your Answer :
Evidently, films
play a significant role in improving people’s life where they work and play.
There might be some people who believe that the best films are those that give
people lessons about the real life,
while others do not think this way. Both sides may have their own reason to
support their views. If I had to choose one, I would say that the best films
don't be necessarily have to be educational.
There are several reasons as follows.
To begin with, one of the a roles of
the films is relieving people’s stress. When they (여기서 they가 누굴 가르키는지 명확하지 않습니다. 차라리 they보다 people로 바꿔주신 다음에 they를 사용하시는 게 좋습니다) watch a film, they are likely to want
to deal with a lot of pressure and strain. (스트레스를 받고 싶어할 확률이 높다는 말씀이신가요?) For
this reason, fun films that include a wide range of funny scenes can be a
welcome distraction from real life. Let me bring up my personal example to
describe this point. When my sister was in high school, she often felt
depressed thinking that her life became an exhausting routine. To survive in a
competitive world, she spent the whole day studying all academic subjects.
Fortunately, she was able to let off some steams by watching movies
every Sunday. This is because the movies was were
humorous and thus made her laugh a lot. By doing this, she could get over the
feeling of depression. Otherwise, she could have involved herself in dangerous
activities, such as drugs and fights.
On top of that, many schools are developing new ways of teaching
students and companies are helping many workers to
easily have access to education materials. What this means is that people are
learning a lot from the schools and the companies, so the films don’t
necessarily have to provide them lessons. When people make the films
boring by focus on giving people only lessons, people will be less happy and
content. For instance, my youngest brother worked as an accountant at a law
firm. He had to spend his most of his free
time studying and maintaining hectic
schedules. (studying이 현재진행형이니 다음에 따라오는 maintain도 현재진행형으로 해주시는 게 좋습니다) Accordingly,
it was difficult for him to meet his friends, family and to have
a hobby. However, he could easily feel happy and satisfied with his life by
watching a film. Watching the film is an easy
way to feel so great because he did not have to spend time on scheduling
meetings with busy friends. He realized that he was enough to learn a lot
from companies, so the films must be tools to make people happy.
All things considered, I strongly assert that there are some
circumstances where the best films are humorous and fun for the reasons I have
mention above.
Writing 0-30 Score Scale Score: 22 (fair) Overall Comment: 포인트를 잘 잡아주셨고 근거도 잘 대주셨어요.설득력도 있고요. 다만 문법 오류들이 많으셔서 감점을 드렸습니다. 대문자, 소문자 사용도 유의해주시고, 수의 일치도 연습하시는 걸 추천드려요. |