▶ Your Answer :
The city where I have lived in is Seoul in South Korea. This is
a capital city of South Korea. Our city has a lot of advantages and disadvantages for people who live there. If a person will
move in my city, one is will be very satisfied with public transportation and is will not be satisfied with overpopulation.
First of all, public transportation is highly advanced in my city. This makes people go
somewhere easily and is cheaper to go wherever than driving a car. We
have various methods of transportation such as subway, bus, and taxi. In
addition, the city is trying to increase subway stations in suburb areas and
hence we can access many places comfortably. The survey shows that most people and even
tourists who come from overseas countries highly praised highly for combined public transportation in my
city. When I traveled around Calgary in Canada, for example, I felt
uncomfortable using the Calgary transit. Most buses are operated at 30-minute intervals
and there was lack of subway route in the big city thus I had to walk so long. Compared
with our transportation, I think other is needed to improve the system of it.
In consideration of my experience and thought, a person who move to my city
would like convenient public transportation.
In contrast, since our my city is a center area of South Korea, there is a lot of people who
inhabit in my city. In other words, the city is very complicated and crowded.
This overpopulation gives rise to many problems like environmental pollution, traffic
jams, and high crime rate. Most people who first move to my city dislike the
most traffic jams the most among others. On the roads, there are many automobiles even it is no rush hour. Furthermore, this problem causes an air pollution by exhausting generating/emitting harmful fumes. For
instance, one of my foreign friends who stayed for a while in my city was
terrified of/by traffic congestion problem and she said we have to make a plan
to reduce traffic congestion. Also, when she visited a popular restaurant in Itawon
Seoul, she had to wait in line almost one hour and she could not
understand this situation. For these reasons, a person who move in my city may
dislike the fact that this city is a densely populated area.
To sum up, a person would like using public transportation and
feel comfortably providing that if he or she transfers to my city. Conversely, a migrator dislike crowded and
complicated condition in my city.
Writing 0–30 score scale
Fair (17-22)
전체적으로 핵심 내용들은 잘 전달되고, 예시들도 적절합니다. 다만 일부 어색한 표현들이나 사소한 문법실수, 오타들이 종종 있으므로, 이에 주의하시는 것이 좋겠고, 내용이 반복되지 않도록 설명해주세요. 또한 이태원과 같은 서울 내의 구체적인 지명을 언급할 경우, 첨삭자가
알 지 못하는 곳일 확률이 높으므로, 서울 내의 유명한~이라는
식으로 설명해주는 것이 낫습니다. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ |