일일이 코멘트 달아주시는거 보면 놀랍네요. 항상 감사합니다 :)
The discussion about influence of the human activity on to the environment is always a prevalent issue of dispute. Some people argue that the Earth is being harmed by human activity as we destroy the environment for our own benefit, while others believe that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live than it was before. In my opinion, I believe that there are both positive and negative effects that which humans have influenced on the Earth. Therefore, this essay aims to talk about the human impacts on the environment. 서론 내용이 필요 이상으로 많습니다. 본론과 분량비율을 생각할 때 서론보다는 본론 문단이 1.5배 정도 분량이 되도록 맞춰주는 것이 좋습니다.
To begin with, the environmental issues have always become a controversial issue in our world. Most specialists contend that most part of human activities harm the nature and it develops into a vicious cycle. People waste and over-use environmental resources thus this creates and develops and creates natural disasters and unexpected phenomena phenomenons such as flood or landslide. As human population increases, there are more consumption for products, which eventually comes from the natural resources and materials are needed in order to create the resources.
Next, the destruction of environment maybe deliberately caused by human acts such as for example inflamation of the woods<-? or pollution of the environment which has a huge impact on the Earth. Contrarily, it can also be contended that the nature itself creates a problem , for instance, like earthquake, tornado and volcanic irruption. These natural disasters are uncontrollable and is created by the nature, therefore, the harm is harms are not only provoked by human activities but also by the nature.
On the other hand, it can be argued that people are developing different methods to protect the nature. There are various studies concerning the environmental issues and they tell that as people are more aware of these issues, more and more they attempt to protect the environment world-wide. Nowadays, there are non-governmental organizations organisations such as Greenpeace or WFF and campaigns that promote the idea of "living green". These actions are to help the earth's environment.
In conclusion, environmental issues maybe concerned with human activities. But , however, nature also engenders a huge impact on the destruction of nature. In this regard, I believe that to some extent, it is both the human and the nature that harms the earth.
Writing 0–30 score scale Limited (12-16)
논제가 묻는 내용을 다시 한 번 체크해주세요. 지구를 상하게 하는 주체가 무엇인지 묻는 문제가 아니라, 인간활동이 지구에 미치는 영향이 긍정적인가/부정적인가를 묻는 문제라는 점에 유의해야 합니다. 현재 답안은 논제가 묻는 내용에 대한 답안으로 보기에는 주제가 다소 벗어나 있습니다. 또한 opinion을 요구하는 문제라 할지라도 한 가지 입장(인간활동이 지구를 손상시켰다 or 인간활동이 지구를 살기 좋은 곳으로 만들었다)을 정해두고 내용을 풀어내는 편이 더 문제가 평가하고자 하는 방향에 적합하니 이 부분도 참고해주시면 좋을 것 같아요. 대소문자 오류나 접속사/부사 사용의 혼동이 있으니 이 부분도 체크해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다. ^^
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