▶ Your Answer : There might be some people who believe that people should use television to instruct people rather than to entertain them. However, I personally disagree with the above idea for the two subsequent reasons. First, stress can be relieved by watching entertaining programs. Second, entertaining programs can improve relationships among people.
First, people can relieve their stress by watching entertaining programs. To explain, people are so tired due to the competitiveness of today's society. Therefore, they are so stressed, which can make the efficiency of their work decrease. However, they can watch so many entertaining programs on TV which make them laugh a lot. It is clear that laughter relieves stress. Let me bring up my personal story as an example. When I was in high school, I was so stressed because I had so many problems about my schoolwork. The harder I studied, ironically, the lower grades I got. However, one day I gave up my schoolwork and just watched comedy shows all day. I was worried about my grades, but finally I got higher grades. After that experience, I usually watch entertaining programs when I think I face an obstacle on my work. 공부를 열심히할수록 성적이 떨어졌는데 코미디 프로그램을 하루종일 보고 났더니 성적이 올랐다, 라는 설명만으로는 '스트레스'와의 연관성을 찾을 수 없습니다. 오히려 너무 비약적인 느낌이 들기도 하고 설명이 부족하다는 인상을 줍니다. 공부 등으로 걱정이 많아서 스트레스를 많이 받았는데, 재미있는 티비 프로그램을 통해서 쉽고 빠르게 스트레스 해소가 가능했다는 정도로만 서술해도 충분할 것 같습니다.
Second, people can improve their relationships by watching TV. To be specific, people can have a conversation about a very funny comedy show they saw last night. Through laughing together by sharing fun memory, they can enhance inhence their relationships. According to a recent survey done by Korea university, 80% of the respondents said that they think their relationships with their friends or co-workers can be improved by having conversations about famous TV shows they had watched. This clearly shows that entertaining programs can make people's relationships better.
In conclusion, watching entertaining programs can not only relieve people's stress, but also improve people's relationships. In this regard, I strongly believe that TV should be used for entertaining rather than instructing intructing people.
Writing 0–30 score scale Fair - Good (19-24)
스트레스를 풀어주고 사람들 사이의 관계에 도움을 준다는 주장이 아주 좋습니다. 설명 과정에서 연결고리가 부족하거나 사례 내용이 주장과 연관성을 잘 드러내지 못하는 부분들을 중점적으로 보완해주시면 훨씬 좋은 답안이 될 것으로 보입니다. 오탈자가 많은 편이니 proof-reading시간을 꼭 확보하셔서 글을 다듬을 수 있도록 해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다. ^^
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