▶ Your Answer :
Definitely, education plays a vital role in people’s daily places where they work or play. Some people argue that a teacher’s earnings should be based on his or her students’ performance, while others do not. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I had to choose one, I would say that students’ academic achievement should play the most important role in deciding a level of a teacher’s earning. There are several reasons as follows.
First and foremost, money serves as a motivator to show greater performance. Money is powerful since it provides freedom and choices to get many things people want. When money acts as a reward, it can motivate motivates teachers to improve the quality of work and enhance students’ achievement. For example, Seoul National University analyzed data from a longitudinal study on two groups of young students. One group consisted of those who studied with teachers who got a flexible salary according to the level of their students’ performance, and the other group was made up of those who studied with teachers always got a fixed salary. The researchers found that the former was more likely to have a higher score on the SAT than the latter. In particular, the first group showed a stronger passion in their tasks and a wide range of knowledge on academic subjects. On the contrary, the second group tended to get distracted easily and have a lower accuracy on subjects. 학생들의 성과보다는 직접적인 교사들 교육의 성과나 교육태도를 비교하는 사례를 보여주면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. This implies that teachers’ earning based on students’ performance is the key to success academically.
On top of that, when teachers earn their salaries based on their students’ achievement, it can contribute to an increase in teachers’ overall happiness. It gives teachers a chance to devote themselves to their students, and thus they feel rewarded and fulfilled. A fulfilling experience tends to prevent teachers’ lives from being meaningless. For instance, after my sister had become a math teacher, she often felt depressed because she always had to always teach her students monotonous motonous and flat contents about math and most of her students made poor marks in math. However, she was able to get over her feeling of depression after her school started to take students’ performance into consideration when paying a salary to teachers. The reason is that She strived for teaching interesting and crucial issues on math to students, and her students got a good grade in math. By doing this, she was able to see positive results she contributed to. Many students around her started to respect her, allowing her to be confident, optimistic and strong. 봉급을 성과급으로 지급하지 않아서 재미없는 내용을 가르쳤다는 사례는 좀 어색하게 느껴집니다. 성과급이 교사들에게 가르치는 보람을 줄 수 있다는 점이 요지이므로 그에 맞는 사례를 제시해주어야 하겠습니다.
In conclusion, I have accurately demonstrated my point of view on this matter with two concrete reasons and also with evidence stated above. Since views of life and values differ among individuals, this subject will always remain controversial.
Writing 0–30 score scale Fair - Good (22-24)
더 나은 업무수행과 교사의 행복과 관련해 주장을 제시한 점이 좋습니다. 다만 관련 사례를 제시하는 과정에서 논점이 맞지 않거나 논리 흐름이 어색하게 보이는 부분들이 아쉽습니다. 모델에세이를 응용해서 쓰실 때 논제 내용과 글의 일관성을 고려하면서 유의해주세요. 수고 많으셨습니다. ^^ |