▶ Your Answer :As long as I can remember, people have been debating the pros and cons of studying
abroad versus studying at their own country. In my opinion, I strongly believe
that taking an educational benefits from other countries haves more positive
influence on people for two reasons as below: learning from abroad
can help identify and actualize people's dream by broaden their perspectives.
In addition, a more diverse people adds to the understanding of
life.
First of all, learning from other countries provides people with a variety of
chances to discover their future careers. There is no doubt that while
learning from abroad, people can broaden their perspectives and knowledge in
the fields of their interests. ->why? As a result, people can acquire better jobs which related to
their major. One person who illustrates this point is my sister, who wanted to become a veterinarian
and choose chose to take several science courses, including biology and anatomy
in college as an exchange student.->(교환학생으로서) foreign country에 가서 ~~한 수업을 들었다-라고 설명해주세요 Thanks to this exchange student program courses, she was able
to pursue her major in animal science in USA. ->교환학생 생활이 그녀에게 어떠한 장점이 있었는지 구체적으로 명시해주세요
While In United States, people are taking care of
lots of animals and special careers exist are needed much more compared to
her own country.
Moreover, another reason that why studying abroad is beneficial
is that the diversity of this environment improves student's
understanding of life. One of the goals of education in abroad is to
stretching people's perspectives towards the world. There is no better
way to do this than in a real life setting where people are exposed to a myriad
of individuals from very different backgrounds. A study of colleges with an
exchange students program revealed that students were very tolerant to other
opinions and used these differences to reflect more deeply on life. This shows
that learning from experience and having contact with other realities, not just reading about
different life styles is the best kind way of learning.
To summarize, studying abroad has a very positive influence on
people. The reasons are that students can discover and develop their
future career potentials, and they also gain greater understanding from
being in this diverse environment. As you can see, I strongly believe
that learning from other worlds has great benefits for students.
Writing 0–30 score
scale
Limited-Fair (14-18)
근거 내용 자체는 괜찮은데, 설득력있게 전달되지 않아 아쉽습니다. 첫 번째 근거의 경우, 왜 외국이 자신의 나라보다 더 나은 교육환경을 제공하는지(또는 에세이에
표현된 것처럼 better chance)에 대한 설명이 구체적으로 나타나있지 않아 설득력이 떨어지므로, 당연히 ~~하다-라고
모호하게 쓰기보다는 정확히 명시해줄 필요가 있습니다. 또한, 전체적으로
어색한 표현들이 가끔 있으므로 이에 주의해주세요. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ |