▶ Your Answer :
Some people might say that strict rules for how to dress
at school and at work is useless and a limitation of freedom.
They think this rule disturbs to develope ingenious personality.
However, I have a different idea. People should wear clothes with rules when
they are in school or company. There are two reasons why I think in this ways.
Frist of all, since they are group of
people, they need to learn how follow the rules. Specially in school, students are learning process and
society. If school let students free to wear anything, They will feel too free
even they are in school. It will also bring hard time to teacher with control
students. This problem also apply to company. still a lots of companies are
using hierarchy organization, the rule of how to dress is now an manners of
each other. <- uniform 이 어떻게 rules 에 대한 개념을 학생들에게 알려 줄 수
있나요? + 왜 효과적인 method 일까요?
Secondly, in school, there
will be competition between students. <- vague 합니다. 어떤 competition 이야기 하는지 써주세요. Because, since students are still young, they want
to show their own personality with their fashion. It might cause serious
problem such as outcast and it might be burden to their parents. For example,
my sister's middle school was free dress . There was no rule of clothes. Since
she entrance 어색 entered? that school, my mother had hard time with
prepare my sister's clothes. She can't buy cheaply clothes because of
her friends. My sister always worries about her friendship because of the
dresses. <- 학교내에서 옷으로 인한 왕따/서열 에 대한 이야기 해주세요.
These are the reasons why I think school and company need
rules for how to dress. It might disturb the condition, and sometimes, it can
be burden to parents.
This is why I strongly agree with this statement.
Writing 0-30 Score
Scale
Fair (17-23)
Overall Comment: 전체적으로 설명이 부족해요. Body 1에서는 uniform 이 어떻게 rules 에 대한 lesson 을 가리켜 줄까요? Body 1 에서는 배경 설명이 더 필요합니다. 문법 실수도 많으신 편이니 문법 공부 꼭 해주시길 바랍니다. |