There has been a debate in recent
times whether children should earn money as a reward for seeing better outcome
at school. As I see it, Children should not be received receive cash as an incentive for doing well at school.
This is because not only can money make them do unjust method (please
describe it with details) if they earn it according to their depending on outcomes, but also children will be
stressed out.
To begin with, money can get them
to use illegal methods (무엇을 하는데 쓰는지 정확히 설명해주세요) for receive a lot of money.
This does not mean that I completely ignore the merit of earning money as an
encouragement in that it would make possible for children to stimulate study.
However, I strongly believe that this is one of the most danger types in terms
of the cause of cheating. Let me give you my personal experience. When I was 10
years old, my parents give gave money as incentive for performing well at school.
However, I cheated on every test to get a lot of
money, and my cheating it was revealed by
the teacher. As a result, I was rebuked by my parents, and I was not able to
earn money until I got good score justly. This experience shows that children
will do illegal way unfaithful activity if
they receive money as a reward for the good outcome at school.
On top of that, children will gain
school-related stress. Getting cash as an
inducement for doing well is not necessarily negative in that it would help
them improve their grades; Nonetheless, the disadvantage which they can suffer
from securing money as a reward are too enormous to deny. For example, when I
was 12 years old, my brother had heavy pressure since he gained got his money from parents
according to his academic marks. He was not good for at English and Science, which brought about a scarcity
of allowance. He needed to buy backpack and shoes, but he was always shorted on money. This ended up him
receiving a lot of stress, leading to getting worse at school. This case
demonstrates that money cannot be a reward for children to see the better
outcomes at school.
To sum up, children should not
earn money as the encouragement for doing well at school. This is because it
can cause stress for children, and they are more likely to cheat on their grades to get a lot of money. In this regard,
I firmly believe children should be free be
judged on their efforts put in regardless of their outcomes in money.
Grade: Limited (17-18)
Overall Comment: 구체적으로 어떤 내용인지 정확히 서술해서 주장을 설명해 주세요. 또한 문법적인 실수와 적절한
어휘 사용에 주의해서 의도하는 바를 명확하게 전달 할 수 있도록 보완해주세요. 한국말을 그대로 번역해서
쓰는 것이 아닌 정확한 영어식 표현을 익혀 사용해 주세요.
|