▶ Your Answer :
There might be
various reasons for making people live longer: people's awareness of health,
advanced medical technology, improved quality of living, and policies that
provide advantages with one's health. I
think people's awareness of their health and advanced medical science play an
important role in increasing average life expectancy. First of all, many people tend to be more interested in their
health these days. Compared with older people who lived in the past, since most
of them who suffered from lacking of mere subsistence, they could not have
enough time to take care of their health. On the other hand, most people living
in the present have been concerning about their own health. It is true that many
people are aware of the importance of the
ways to maintain their health and try to conduct that way such as do regular
exercise, eat balanced diet, and get annual check-ups. <= Why? 그 이유가 무엇인가요?
Ex) Media / 과거에는 먹고 살기 바빳는데, 풍요로운 현대사회는 health 에 대한 관심이 많아진다 등등. My family, for
example, enjoyed dining out every weekend when I was young while nowadays we
enjoy cooking at home and going hiking every Sunday. My father made this plan
after he had high blood pressure and now he is trying to keep this plan for
staying in shape. This tendency helps people to live longer than before. <= 왜 이런 plan 을
잡는지, 왜 care 하는지 ‘이유’ 를 생각 해주세요. On top of that,
increases in health care technology is helpful for many people to live longer.
Development in medicines for various diseases have been able to cure many
people and advancement of medical equipment have made it possible for doctors
to diagnose patients' diseases earlier and easier. To give you an
idea, a lot of patients who had cancer or even minor ailment could not be
treated due to the rudimentary medical system whereas they can recover from
cancer thanks to chemotherapy, radiation therapy and operation without
abdominal incision. In other words, if people get checking up their health condition -> their health checked up in the hospital
year after year, they would can detect their disease and care about
that. For all these
reasons, I firmly believed that many scientists' effort toward improve medical
care and equipment and people's consciousness change have made life expectancy
longer. Writing 0-30 Score
Scale Good
(24-30)
Overall Comment : 전체적으로 idea 좋았어요. Body 2 는 설명
잘 해주셨어요. Body 1 설명은 다소 아쉬웠어요. 왜
사람들이 health 에 관심을 가지게 되는지 설명을 해주세요. 본인만의
언어로, brainstorming 을 통해서 논리적으로 설명 해주세요!
위에 코멘트 부분 꼭 읽어주세요.
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