▶ Your Answer :
The given topic of whether today’s rules that young
people have to follow are too strict is thought-provoking. Although some people
think that today’s rules are too severe for young
people to follow, I believe that today’s rules for
young people are generous than the past’s
rules for the following reasons.
First of all, young people today have
freedom of their appearance. To be specific, young people in the past had to
follow very strict rules regarding their appearance. For example, in the past,
middle and high schools did not permit students to have long hair and put on
makeup. However, these days,
most of the schools do not regulate their students’ appearance.
Therefore, students today feel less pressure to
follow rules related to their appearance and enjoy more freedom. In this
respect, today’s rules for young people to follow are not too strict.<-사례가 ‘한국’을 기준으로 설명한 것이므로, 한국에서 그러했었다~라고 말해주어야 합니다.
Second, compared to the past, young
people nowadays can also express their thinking freely. Admittedly, in the
past, it was not allowed to express personal opinions, especially political
views. For instance, from the 1960’s
to 1980’s, many young people got
arrested because they criticized the president and the government. Stating
political comments was restricted. These days, however, young people can
discuss political issues freely with others without any regulation. Thus, today’s rules are not too
severe in comparison with the past’s rules. .<-사례가 ‘한국’을 기준으로 설명한 것이므로, 한국에서 그러했었다~라고 말해주어야 합니다.
To sum up, young people today have
freedom of expression regarding their appearance and political views.
Considering all of these reasons,
today’s rules are not
strict for young people to follow.
Writing 0–30 score
scale
Fair (16-20)
에세이가 260자 정도로 조금 짧은 편인데, 독립형 에세이는 되도록 300자 이상은 쓰시는 편이 좋습니다. 문법적으로 문제는 없으나, 문장 표현이 단순한 편이고, 어휘도 좀 더 다양하게 사용하시면 좋겠습니다. 또한 토플 시험이 국제적인 시험이고, 실제 시험의 첨삭자가 한국인이
아닐 경우가 많으므로 한국의 특수한 상황을 예시로 설명하면 이해하지 못할 수 있습니다. 따라서 일반적으로(세계적으로) 통용되는 사례를 제시하거나, 한국의 이야기를 하려면 한국의 경우 ~하다 라고 말해주세요. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ |