▶ Your Answer :
Nowadays,
thanks to the development of mass media and printing technology, we can access
diverse news sources easily. To be specific, we receive morning newspaper,
watch news broadcastings and read articles via our smartphones as well as our
personal computers. In this abundant flows of news, I believe the ability to
read only well qualitied articles is important for us to save our precious
time. I would introduce the basis for my assertion compared with the case that
people try to read diverse news sources. First of all, although there are multiple
news articles about a certain event, I think that just a couple of articles are
enough to get core information. <= Why? +
설명해주세요 For example, let’s assume that there
was a fire in the city hall. This event must contain confined number of
absolute facts such as the number of deaths and injuries, the cause for the
fire, the time that the fire began and other official facts like these. Then
hundreds journalists try to write their own colored article with these facts. However,
for me, the mood or characteristics of the article is less important than the
crucial information of the events. Therefore, when I read a couple of
articles, I finish the mission to comprehend whether the accident affect my
daily life or the people around me. <- 설명은 clear
하게 해주세요. Ex) News 의 가장 중요한 점은 fact
를 이해 하는것인데, 다양한 신문사들은 그 외 다른 정보도 제공 하기 때문에 redundant 하다 등으로. Also, reading many similar article makes me
difficult to build my own opinions toward social issues. When I
read a lot of diverse assertion about a certain topic, I am frequently confused
and end up regarding one of the article’s mention as my own
thought. For example, when the last Korean President Election held 4 years ago,
I was so interested in the political situation of my nation and spent much time
with reading articles about candidates for the new presidents. I read almost
all the biography of each candidates and satisfied with the understanding from
those articles. However, one day I suddenly found myself having stopped to
think by myself but just regarded certain articles’
assertions as my own. I thought just reading myriad articles is quite dangerous
that makes me an idiot passive acceptor. <= Why? I now
prefer to limit the number of article I read and then start to think actively
by myself. 신문사 별로 정치적성향이 다르다 라고 써주시고, Example 에서 중앙일보vs한겨례 이야기 해주는것도 좋을거 같아요. To sum
up, it is sufficient to read only the articles that gives proper and correct
facts about an issue or event, leading to a great time saving. Also, to be a
spontaneous thinker, we should wittingly limit the number of article to read
and begin to consider about the issue with our own logics. Writing 0-30 Score
Scale Fair (17-23)
Overall Comment : 설명을 더 구체적으로 해주세요. Body 1,2 설명 더 해주세요. 위에 코멘트 한 부분 꼭 읽어주세요. Body 2 에서는 Example 을 더 구체화 해주세요. Specific 한 신문 이야기
해주면 더 설득력 있을거 같습니다. |