▶ Your Answer :
Some people argue that subjects
such as art and music must be mandatory school subjects as it helps children in
different ways. Others contend that subjects such as art and music are not
necessary and children must concentrate on their core subjects. In my opinion,
i believe that students must have a
balanced subject choices = art/music courses being
mandatory 아닙니다. Clarify
해주세요. because art and music also helps them in various ways. This
essay aims to discuss about the necessity of art and music as a manndatory
subject in school. First of all, it is well-known that art and music helps
students to enhance their concentration and creativity that will benefit them
in various ways. It requires children to participate and become more
imaginative which helps them to think more broadly thus this will help
them to improve in other subjects.<- 이것이 왜 특히 Children 에게 중요한가요? For example, many parents want
their children to learn the piano, or learn to draw from the early age as it
helps them to become more creative-thinkers. Learning art and music from an early age has become an important ways
to help them. <- How? Next, by doing art designs or
music, it will help students to relieve
their stresses for example, by playing guitar or participating in a
choir. It will encourage students to become more out-going and reduce their
stress that they gain from study burdens. <- Why? Gather with friends/ does not
require tedious work / socialize 등등 For example, students during
free-periods are encouraged to play outdoors or learn instruments that they
enjoy. By doing things other than studying, will help them reduce stress from
work burden. On the other hand, learning art
or music may be time-consumming. It requires a lot of time to learn any
instrument and practise therefore can disturb their core subjects. For example,
i remember that my average grade was lowered when i was participating in
choir. At that time, i couldn't concentrate on studying and had to be engaged
with others to succeed a concert. It gave me a memorable experience,
however, it reduced my time to study as i spent my time on participating
thechoir every week.
In conclusion, learning art and
music is a preferable subject as it helps students in various ways,
however, it can be time consuming and disturb their studies. In this regard, I
encourage young children to learn art and music as it helps them to enhance their
thoughts, however, as they enter high-school , i will not encourage them to
learn new materials other than their core subjects. Writing 0-30 Score
Scale Fair (17-23) Overall Comment : 한가지 입장에서 서주시고, Body 내용 살 더 붙여 주세요. Why? How? 에 대한 설명은
평가에 중요시 여겨지는 부분이에요. 논리적으로 문장이 흐르는지 보는 것이기 때문에, 위에 코멘트 처럼 꼭 더 상세하게 써주세요.
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