▶ Your Answer :
Some people
believe that a teacher’s
earnings should be based on how long they have been teaching. However, in my
opinion, I think that a teacher’s earnings should be
based on their students’ performance. Teachers have the
duty of educating their students, and must try to help increase the students’ performance. Teachers would then try to learn and develop
techniques that are best to teach students with. To begin with, teachers have a duty to educate their
students. If the teachers
help the students increase their performance, they should be rewarded for this
kind of work. <- Why?? Duty
to educate 와 reward
based on performance 의 관계는 무엇인가요? For example, I have met a mathematics
teacher who gives online lectures about math. He teaches very well, and it is
easy for me to remember what he taught me. Because he helped me with my math
problems, I believe that he should receive a high payment for the performance
he has shown. On top of
that, if teachers learn that they will be given more payment if they develop
the performance of their students, they will try to enhance their teaching
techniques. <- 너무 길어요. 앞에 topic
sentence 간결하게 새로 써주세요. Ex) teachers would be more
motivated to teach better. This is because ~~ Teachers would study, learn, and adjust their methods of
teaching, therefore, bringing an increase in student performance. To give a
specific example, studies showed that when teachers were given more payment for
their achievements in student performance, other teachers tried hard to develop
their own methods and techniques. To sum up,
teachers have the duty of educating their students, so if they increase student
performance, teachers should be given more payment, which will cause other
teachers to follow suit, and develop their own methods of teaching. In this
regard, I agree that a teacher’s earnings should be based on his or her students’ performance. Writing 0-30 Score
Scale Fair (17-23)
Overall Comment: Body 2 설명은 좋습니다. Topic sentence 짧게 먼저 써주세요. Body 1 내용은 설득력 떨어져요. Duty to educate 와
incentive 주는것의 관계는 무엇인가요? Body 2 처럼
motivation 이나 effectiveness 등으로
생각해보세요. |