▶ Your Answer :
Though
the intense argument is possible on the topic, I strongly agree with the
statement that because our modern society is too complex, it is important for
young people to have the ability to plan and organize. This is because in this
complex modern society, planning and organizing our experiences properly can
develop young people’s potentials. And also, today’s companies require people who have appropriate as well as diverse
careers. This means that the ability to plan and organize properly is very
essential point for young people. Most importantly,
proper planning and organizing own careers enables young people to uncover
potentials that they never knew before. They nowadays ->
Nowadays they are forced to lead highly scheduled lives as
the world becomes more contentious and fast-paced than ever. Thus, in this
complex modern life, they cannot easily find out what they well to do.
Consequently, they are likely to miss chances to delve into issues, from which
they can substantially benefit. In this context, the ability to plan and
organize own lives is very important for them, since if they well organize
their future plans, for instance, study plan, job experiences, and what they
need to have certificates, it can be helpful for them to find out their
potentials. <- 어떻게?? According to a
renowned professor, it is evident that in today’s
complex society, young people can attain the goal of success in a much more
effectual way if they plan and organize what they should experience. He also
goes on to say that it is more time-consuming and difficult for them to
accomplish their aims, if they are negligent in planning. Planning and organizing
-> uncover potential 하는 예시 찾아주세요. 결과 보여주기식의 예시 쓰지마세요. In addition, young people
should have the ability to plan and organize their lives so that they acquire
an outcompeting advantage over other candidates in a job market. They nowadays
face fierce competitions since modern businesses are so complex and also there
are too many job applicants with a lack of jobs available. Consequently, it has
become extremely difficult for them to find suitable and rewarding jobs. Thus,
in order to desirable applicants and find success in their future career, young
people should have the ability to plan and organize their lives. By appropriately organizing their careers
and experiences such as internship, they can learn as much as they can in order
to become well-prepared applicants. According to a study conducted by
Harvard University, two thirds of the surveyed respondents answered that they
were strongly helped by their abilities to plan and organize their lives. They
also responded that the reason why they could succeed in getting suitable jobs
was that they all have the ability to properly make plans and actively behave
following them. 굳이 job market 이야기 해야 되나요? Plan
and organize 하면 자기 발전에 도움된다는 이야기 해주는게 좋을거 같아요. Taking all of these reasons into consideration, we should agree
with the idea since it is important for young people to have the ability to
make their plans and organize their lives. By appropriately organizing their
lives in today’s complex society, they would find out their
potentials and acquire many advantages in their future career. This explains
why it is essential for them to have the ability to make plans. Writing 0-30 Score
Scale Limited (0-16) Overall Comment:
Essay 전체적으로 template 에 너무 의존 하신거 같아요. 본인
idea 가 거의 없어요. Body 1 에서는 왜/어떻게 enable young people to uncover potential
하나요? Body 2 에서도 job market 으로
한정 지을 필요 없을거 같아요. Example 도 더 적절한 예시 찾아주세요.
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