Some people may argue
that life in the past was easier than now. However, in my opinion, people are
living an easier life nowadays than in the past, for two reasons. First, the
development of technology allows people to obtain information much quicker than
ever before. Next, there are various leisure activities that helps balance
people’s stress.
First of all, thanks to
the advancement of technology, especially the internet, people can obtain
necessary information quicker than ever before. When society was underdeveloped,
people had to take a tremendous amount of time and effort to obtain
information. However, as technology has become closer and closer to the cutting
edge, people can easily gain knowledge and information that they need.
According to a survey conducted by the university[Admin1] of California, 1000
participants were asked to state which had positively changed people’s life the
most. The result showd
(showed)[Admin2] that over 60% of the participants mentioned the
invention of the internet. They claimed that the internet has become important
part of their lives that allows them to research any information that would
otherwise be very difficult to obtain in the past. They responded that the
internet had various uses that facilitated their burdensome work or schedules.
Thus, this proves that the development of technology has made people’s life
easier than before.
Next, nowadays, there are various activities such
as travelling abroad, that allows people to get emotional relief. This is
because it is effective for (in) boosting people’s life. People always
go through stressful lives whether in the past or the present. However, unlike
in the past where there were not many leisure activities to relieve stress,
people can relieve their tension and gain some breathing space by having a
memorable vacation. My personal experience an (can)[Admin3] be added here to explain. Every morning, I get up
early and get (go) through congested traffics. At work I have numerous
documents to read. To make matters worse, I have to cope with my subordinates
and my boss. As a way to relieve my stress, I go on a short trip to a foreign
country. Last time, when I visited
Paris, I had a short tour of the city and met new people and visited historical
sites. Although it was a very short trip, this enjoyable moment helped me to
temporarily forget about all the stressful works. This also helps[Admin4] me to prepare better for
the upcoming days. Thus, I regularly explore different countries and face new
culture, which wouldn’t
be [Admin5] possible in the past.
Therefore, people can live an easier life than in the past by travelling
abroad.
In conclusion, people’s
life has become much easier than in the past thanks to the advancement of
technology and enjoyable activities that relieves people’s stress. In this
regard, I firmly believe that people’s life has become easier than in the past.
Grade : Good (24-30)
Overall Comment : 주장을 뒷받침하는 의견들이 적절합니다. 다만, 정확한
동사와 전치사의 쓰임새에 대해 공부하시고 다양한 어휘들을 익히신다면 충분히 높은 점수를 기대할 만한 에세이입니다.
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▶ Your Answer :
Some people may argue that life in the past
was easier than now. However, in my opinion, people are living an easier life
nowadays than in the past, for two reasons. First, the development of
technology allows people to obtain information much quicker than ever before.
Next, there are various leisure activities that helps balance people’s stress.
First of all, thanks to the advancement of
technology, especially the internet, people can obtain necessary information
quicker than ever before. When society was underdeveloped, people had to take a
tremendous amount of time and effort to obtain information. However, as
technology has become closer and closer to the cutting edge, people can easily
gain knowledge and information that they need. According to a survey conducted
by the university of California, 1000
participants were asked to state which had positively changed people’s life the
most. The result showd that over 60% of the
participants mentioned the invention of the internet. They claimed that the internet
has become important part of their lives that allows them to research any
information that would otherwise be very difficult to obtain in the past. They
responded that the internet had various uses that facilitated their burdensome
work or schedules. Thus, this proves that the development of technology has
made people’s life easier than before.
Next,
nowadays, there are various activities such as travelling abroad, that
allows people to get emotional relief. This is because it is effective for boosting
people’s life. People always go through stressful lives whether in the past or
the present. However, unlike in the past where there were not many leisure
activities to relieve stress, people can relieve their tension and gain some
breathing space by having a memorable vacation. My personal experience an be added here to explain.
Every morning, I get up early and get through congested traffics. At work I
have numerous documents to read. To make matters worse, I have to cope with my
subordinates and my boss. As a way to relieve my stress, I go on a short trip
to a foreign country. Last time, when I
visited Paris, I had a short tour of the city and met new people and
visited historical sites. Although it was a very short trip, this enjoyable moment
helped me to temporarily forget about all the stressful works. This also helps me to prepare better for
the upcoming days. Thus, I regularly explore different countries and face new
culture, which wouldn’t
be possible in the past.
Therefore, people can live an easier life than in the past by travelling
abroad.
In conclusion, people’s life has become
much easier than in the past thanks to the advancement of technology and
enjoyable activities that relieves people’s stress. In this regard, I firmly
believe that people’s life has become easier than in the past.
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