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It is debatable
whether a job with more vacation time is better than a job that pays a high
salary but less time off. This is an intriguing question because opinions
concerning this issue can be different relying on the individual perspectives.
In my opinion, however, I support that a job that have more vacation time is
better.(이유들을 소개하세요. This is because…)
First of all,
High paying jobs are more stressful. Jobs that pay high salary are more
demanding and require more responsibility. People become more tired and
stressed out, which makes it hard for them to concentrate and be motivated.
However, if people have enough vacation time, they can relieve stress and work
much more efficiently. To be specific, I used to have a job that paid a high
salary. At first, I liked the job but my work efficiency gradually dropped as
time went by, because I could not concentrate my work. I ended up quitting my
work due to a big stress. If I had had enough a vacation, I could
have enjoyed my work more. (휴가 더 많았으면 더 잘 일할 수 있었다고 디테일 붙이세요. With a high
paying vacation, I also could have worked more efficiently.)
On top of that,
people cannot
have a balanced life. High paying jobs usually mean longer working hours, which
hinders people from spending time with their friends and family. When people do
not have time to spend time with their loved ones, they become lonely and
unhappy. According to a recent survey done by the cyber institute of J.W, the majority of respondents
said that they feel happy through having quality time with family or their
friends. They added that if they have insufficient time with family or
their friends, they would be lonely and unhappy. This is clear that people
value relationships more than money do.
All things
considered, it is my belief that my argument regarding this topic has been
effectively and precisely delivered with the reasons mentioned above. Never
should we forget that this issue may have a huge impact on our future. (결론에는 이유들을 다시 요약하고 글쓴이의 입장을 다시 표현하세요)
Writing 0-30 Score Scale
Fair (17-23)
Overall Comment: 토플 독립형 형식 맞게 잘 구성했습니다. 그러나 서론과 결론에 내용 문제가 있습니다. 서론에서는 이유들을
간단히 소개하세요 (This is because it can improve work efficiency and
increase happiness.) 결론에는 자기 의견을 잘 표현했고 잘 뒷받침했다고 표현하지 마세요. 이유들을 다시 요약하고 글쓴이의 입장을 다시 표현하세요.