▶ Your Answer :
In contrast to the current situation with
the increasing number of cars, in 20 years there would be fewer cars. The
number of cars as a personal vehicle will decline, which will be reasonable
considering the weak points that cars have. The points are due to the lack of
fuel, the increase and development of public transportation, and the invention
of new vehicles. In
21st century, people are facing with the lack of oil which is used
as the most common energy source, and cars also use fuel as energy. Even worse,
the energy causes environmental problems such as air pollution and global
warming. The use of cars will be or should be restricted, considering the
scarce amount and the antagonizing effect of fuel.
With
the concerns regarding fuel, many personal cars will be replaced with the fewer number numbers of public transportation such as buses and subway. In the following 20
years, centralization to big cities will be continued, and the need for public
transportation will be increased as well. The reason for this is not only
related to fuel, but also related to the high population of cities that worsens
traffic jam when cars are still be used in those mega cities.
For
the concern of the energy source, new energy sources can be found in the
future; however, new types of vehicle will also be found to replace cars. Just
as the old post systems are replaced with e-mail services and smart-phones, the
individual vehicles are is also be able to be replaced with new technology, which
influences to the decreasing numbers of cars.
A
car would not be appropriate for the future because of the problems that cars
have with fuel, the development of public transportation, and the cutting-edge
technology that will replace cars with new vehicles. For these reasons, it is
predicted that there would be fewer cars in 20 years.
Writing 0–30 score scale Fair (17-21)
기본적으로 나의 입장을 뒷받침하기 위한 주장이나 논리 연결은 아주 좋습니다. 하지만 문제가 요구하는 "Use specific reason and examples to support your answer"에 대한 부분도 충족시킬 수 있어야 합니다. 채점항목에 '적절한 예시를 구체적으로 잘 제시하는지'가 포함되어 있으므로 현재 글에서는 그 부분 감점요인이 클 것 같습니다. 예증 자료를 넣어서 글을 보완해주세요. 사례를 제시하면서 시간배분에 영향이 있을 수 있으므로 보통 body는 사례를 포함해서 지금 본론보다 분량이 많은 body를 2개 정도 제시하는 것이 일반적입니다. 모델에세이나 다른 분들의 답안을 보면서 어떤 식으로 구체적인 사례를 제시해서 내 입장을 뒷받침하는지 참고하시면 좋을 것 같아요. 수고 많으셨습니다. ^^ |