▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that playing games plays paly a significant role
in relieving stress because of enjoyable contents. It is still debatable whether
playing games is helpful to my life. However, in my opinion, playing games made
our life more exhausting exhausted for the following reasons: to disturb from being focused and to
waste of money and time.
First of all, playing games deters people from concentrating on their daily life. This is because today's game requires people to connect
regularly in a few minute. Thus, people have to care about their character's status
in game. Moreover, since most games are installed on mobile phones, people can
always enter the game whenever they want to. For example, I recently met my
best friend to talk about my professional problem. Although she tried to advise
me to plan my future, she could not cannot focus on our conversation because she periodically
used her smart phone to update their her levels on a game. Consequently, I was really
frustrated at that time. 온라인 게임에만 한정된 내용이므로 논점이 맞지 않습니다. 논제에서 이야기하는 playing games는 컴퓨터게임을 하는 것이 아니라 단순히 '놀이를 하는 것'으로 이해하는 것이 적절합니다.
On top of that, playing games negatively affects people'
life by taking away their time and money. This is due to the fact that people
can be easily addicted to their game because it gives them virtual world far
from the real world. They can carry out everything. As a result, people are pouring
their energy in playing games with time as well as spend time and money. In
other words, people have to contribute their precious time in order to make to making better atmosphere in game world. According to a research, the National Youth Council,
my many teenager students spend their allowance on buying game items. And their
school and parents have difficult problems related to games. Because students are
easily susceptible to addictive game programs, they cannot control how they spend time and
money. In this sense, games definitely hinder young people from studying. 마찬가지로 컴퓨터 온라인 게임에만 국한된 이야기이므로 적용 범위가 너무 좁고, 설득력이 떨어집니다.
All things considered, playing games makes it difficult for
people to focus on their lives and to mange their finance and time. In this regard,
I believe people wouldn't be able to find any life lesson in playing games.
Writing 0–30 score scale Limited (1-16)
논제가 묻는 내용을 정확히 해석해주세요. 컴퓨터게임이 인생에 도움이 되는가, 를 묻는 문제가 아니라 '놀이를 통해 인생의 교훈을 배울 수 있다고 보는가'를 묻는 문제입니다. '놀이'에는 컴퓨터게임뿐 아니라 다양한 놀이활동들이 포함되어 있기 때문에 컴퓨터게임에만 국한지어 주장을 제시한다면 논점에 어긋나는 부분들이 많이 생길 수밖에 없겠지요. 논제에 부합하는 내용으로 글을 다시 조직해보시면 좋을 것 같아요. 대소문자 구분, 오탈자, 수일치 등의 표현오류도 꼼꼼하게 검토해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다. ^^
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