▶ Your Answer :
Some people, say? Argue? the computer can not play
important role in helping students to effectively learn. However, in my opinion,
studetns can reap numerous educational benefits from the Internet. This is because, stduents can
readily be exposed to numerous educational resources and students who suffer
from particular ailments can eaily learn by taking online courses. <= spelling 실수 신경 써주세요. Introduction 은
에세이의 첫인상 입니다. There are lots of resources relevant to education on the
Internet. In the Internet, students
can visit various videos and contents which are posted on online sites and individual
blogs. Through these materials, Studnets can easily learn about materials
regarding their school works. <= What kind of videos contents? 이런게 internet 에 available
한 이유가? For example, when i was middle
school students. i really showed marked enthusiasm
for being taught science. <- 어색합니다. However, My science teacher was so ashamed <- 선생님이 ashamed ? -> I was ashamed
of my science teacher that his lower voice
made me difficult to catch on what he was trying to say. Due to the problem, i sincerely
consulted with my smart friend and he exhorted me to visit 'YOU TUBE'
online site which provieded lots of science videos. By dropping in on the sites and
watching science videos dealing with contents that i had learned, I
could easily brush up on what i had learned in science time and
scored higher on science tests. <- 어떤 영상 봤는지 구체적으로 써주세요. Students who is difficult to attend
a school can take online courses. Some students suffer from
ailments which make them difficult to go about their lives. So, some of
them drop out of school for their physical illness. However these adolescents are
conveniently capable of picking up knowledges by taking online course in
their own house. For example, my
brother, who come down with chronic specific illness plunging his
life into despair, got into difficulty attending a school. his illness suddenly arised,so
that he had to be treated immediately after the symptom took place. For that reason, he had no
choices but to take online courses. Because the online courses encoureaged
him to study at any time, my brother,who was really
preoccupied with picking up lots of knowlegeds,could easily learned materials
that their peers also were teached. Without a online course,
he would have got into difficulty learning general subjects. <- cyber universities 에 대한 이야기 해주면 좋을거 같아요. Writing 0-30 Score
Scale Fair (17-23) Overall Comment : 다음부터는 성의 있게 글을 써주셨으면 좋겠습니다.
스펠링 실수,
뛰어쓰기는 본인이 주의 하면 correct 할 수 있는 부분입니다. Body 전체적으로 Internet 과 Education
의 관계에 대해서 설명 해주세요. 왜 educational
contents 가 많아졌고, 이것이 유용한지 이야기 해주세요. Body
2 에서도 구체적으로 사이버대학교나 EBS 같은 기관 예시로 드는게 좋을거 같습니다.
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