▶ Your Answer :
Nowadays, thanks to the development of the diverse media
as well as the internet, we can meet on-time news via televisions, smartphones
and PCs. As too much source of news are popping up on media, some people are
reluctant to read some of them when they think that the news are not related to
them directly. However, I think that to read the information, although it does
not affect my daily life, is also beneficial in some points of view.
First of
all, just reading about diverse events in the world is already a good lesson of
life. It
is somewhat similar getting wisdom from books. <= Why? 왜 특히, 현대사회에서는 더 중요해졌는지 설명 해주세요. For example, two years ago, there was Toyota recall happening
due to a defect in Toyota cars. In this incident, Toyota was hesitated
to apologize about their fault and
instead continuously tried to conceal it. Finally, after being concentrated
from whole the world, the company ended up to admit it’s faulty reaction
toward angry customers as well as the initial mistakes. However, public never
forget about the Toyota’s dissapointing morality. From
this point of view, I learned valuable lesson that we should not cheat on
others and always be alert in keeping honesty and sincerity. <- 설명 부분에 설명을 구체적으로 해주세요. Events
를 통해서 무엇을 해야되고, 무엇을 하지 말아야 될지 느낄수 있다. 이런식으로 설명 해주세요.
Also, we can
prepare good weapons to ice break in the meeting with random people by learning
of diverse events from news. I would explain this in more detail by introducing my
personal experience. Last year, I had a business meeting with a company in
America. In the very beginning of the meeting, I was so nervious because it was
my first meeting with foreign business partner. Then a manager from the counter
company tried to relieve me by talking about 2002 worldcup which was held in
Korea. Thanks to this interesting small chat, the meeting flowed very smoothly.
Then I realized that having common knowledge like this is very helpful in
icebreaking especially in a formal meeting such as a business one and that is
why I believe that knowing about the events outside my life scope is necessary.
To sum up, getting informed about
diverse events all around the world is important in our lives. As mentioned
above, just reading about diverse happening, although it has nothing to do with
my life, gives me good lesson. Also, in order to icebreaking with new people,
knowing about diverse events around us is good for breaking the embarrasing
mood.
Writing 0-30 Score
Scale
Fair (17-23)
Overall Comment : Spelling 실수 신경써주세요 ! Body 전체적으로 아이디어들은 좋았지만, 설명이 부족 했어요. Topic sentence 에서 Why? How? 에 맞게 일반적으로 설명 한 다음에 예시로 넘어 가주세요. 바로
예시로 넘어가면 무슨 이야기 할지 모릅니다. 다음부터는 본인의 말로 설명 하는 연습을 꼭해주세요.
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