▶ Your Answer :
There might be some people who
believe that universities have to invest as much money in sports as they do on
libraries, while others do not. Both sides may have their own reasons to
support their views. If I had to choose one, I would
say that universities should spend money improving sports as they do on
libraries. There are several reasons as follows. To begin with, when universities invest
money in sports, it can enable students to improve an
increase in their overall happiness in school life. It
gives students more chances to relax and recharge their
batteries. <- Why?
How?
When students are recharged, they are likely to have more energy
to put into their works and being active. Let me bring up my
personal example. When my sister was in high school, she often depressed
thinking was often
depressed, thinking
that her life became an exhausting routine. To survive in a
competitive world, she spent the whole day studying all
academic subjects, hoping that she could outdo others. However, it
was really difficult because everyone was working as
hard as she was. Fortunately, she was able to deal with
such pressure and stress in a safe way by spending two
hours a day exercising at a fitness
center of her campus. By doing this, she was able to let
off some steam. Otherwise, she could have involved herself in dangerous
activities such as fights or drugs as a way to handle a lot of
strain and stress. <- 본인이 운동으로 스트레스 해소
한 예시와, 대학교가 sports 에 투자 해야 된다 와
직접적인 연결이 없어요. + 운동이 왜 어떻게 스트레스에 해소에 도움이 되고, University support 이 이걸 어떻게 극대화 할 수 있는지 설명 하는게 핵심이에요. In addition, when
universities spend money improving sports, it will help students to mingle well
with other students from different backgrounds. It provide a
friendly atomosphere where they mix with other
students they would ordinarily not meet in usual routine. <- Why? Make sports teams?
Build gyms? 어떻게? Such atomosphere is
likely to help them acknowledge that different
values exist, to understand this diversity, and to
ultimately be comfortable with it. For
instance, When I excercised at a fitness center run by
my university, I had chance to play baseball
with Indian students who often ate their meals with
bare hands. At that time, I really uncomfortable by their
behavior because it was my first time seeing someone act like that. I
just felt that we were very different. However, after spending more time with
them, I got used to this cultural difference. I realized that we had a lot
in common in a way that we all cared about our family and friends, were
committed with their relationships, and got easily hurt by what others say. I
no longer feel ackward and I still keep in touch with them. All things considered, I
strongly believe that the advantages of sports far outweigh its
disadvantages for the reasons I have mentioned above. All in all, the importance of
sports cannot overestimated in the pursuit of happiness in life. Writing 0-30 Score Scale Fair (17-23)
Overall Comment : Body 전체적으로 설명이 부족해요. Why? How? 에 맞는 설명에 focus 해주세요. 특히 Body
1 은 코멘트 한 부분 꼭 읽어주세요. Body 2 에서도 더 구체적으로 설명 해주세요. Example 은 좋았습니다 ! 설명 부분에 신경 써주시면 좋은
점수 기대 됩니다 ! |