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Some people may
think that cars have a greater impact on society than airplanes. However, I
think that airplanes have caused more influence on the society than cars.
First, airplanes help people to travel overseas and interact with people from
other cultures. Second, airplanes help a nation to grow.
To begin with,
people can travel overseas with the help of airplanes. By traveling
to various countries by plane, people can greatly interact with foreigners
and learn other cultures from them. This will be a great influence on
the society in that a nation can develop with the help of people with
global minds open to different cultures. For example, more people in developed
countries tend to travel abroad than in underdeveloped countries. People who
have traveled more tend to know how to deal with differences among people. (구체적인 예시가 없습니다.
연구, 아니면 글쓴이의 경험을 예시로 선택하세요)
On top of
that, a country can develop with the help of airplanes. A country
that has significant skills in the industry of building planes will grow
to become an advanced nation among the world. (how? Why?) For instance,
Korea has become more and more developed compared to the 1970s and the 80s
because one of the most famous and excellent aviation company is based in
Korea. This airplane corporation makes one of the best airplanes in the world
and helps the economy of the nation to grow.
To sum up, I
think that airplanes have a greater effect on the society than cars. With
the invention of planes, people can travel overseas and meet diverse people and
nations with great skills of making airplanes can highly develop more than
other countries without such skills.
Writing 0-30 Score Scale
Fair (17-23)
Overall Comment: 주제를 잘 파악했고 글이 주제에 벗어나지 않았습니다. 어색한 표현이나 문법 오류는 없습니다. 그러나, 내용이 부족한 부분이 많습니다. 본론의 첫 번째 문단에서는 구체적인 예시가 없습니다. 연구 아니면 글쓴이의 경험을 예시로 선택해서 설명하세요. 본론의 2번째 문단에서는 어떻게 building airplanes industry 가 좋으면 advanced nation 될 수 있는지 디테일이 없습니다. (building airplanes helps with trade, building airplanes helps with tourists) HOW? 대한 디테일이 부족합니다.