▶ Your Answer : Environmental problem is a world wide concern. There are various efforts to cope with the environmental problems such as campaigns or tariffs on imported products. Regarding the statement (지금 작성하신 글에는 문제의 statement가 어디서도 나오지 않습니다.), I believe that these efforts will not solve the environmental problems. First, more people enjoy activities that creates pollution, and second, the development of technology to cope with environmental problems has some drawbacks. First of all, as a way to find emotional relief, people enjoy various activities such as travelling to foreign countries. Today, many people get weary with too much stress, however, by traveling to different countries, than people get breathing space and forget about their problems. Moreover, due to cheaper and easier access to different countries, and rise in linving the living standard, travelling abroad is more frequent than ever before. According to a survey conducted from ASDF (?), there are 2% rise in people using airplane each year. The problem with this is that airplanes not only consume important natural resources but it also creates air pollution by producing noxious substances. Likewise, efforts to compensate all these environmental problems is never sufficient. (해당 문단에서 전혀 설명되지 못한 내용입니다.) Second, due to the development of technology, scientists have delved to produce massive products without harming the environment. These methods include using bacteria and chemicals to eradicate noxious substances that will eventually leak out to the environment. However, these efforts sometimes create problems that are unsolvable. For example, in 1840, scientists in Australia found a non-harmful bacteria to remove waste products from crop animals. It The invention received numerous spot-lights for the invention. However, later on, these methods caused genetic mutation, producing spreading viruses to indigenous people around. Moreover, more natural resources had to be consumed utilized in order to solve the problem. This incident proves that efforts to reduce environmental problems could aggrevate aggravate the situation, causing more severe problems. In conclusion, despite the efforts to solve the environmental problems, they are hopeless few hope. This is because more people enjoy activities that aggrevate aggravate the situation and some efforts can lead to a more severe problem. In this respect, I disagree with the statement (무슨 statement?). Writing 0-30 scale Fair (23-25) 오타를 줄이세요. 사소해 보이는 실수라도 반복, 누적되면 감점 요인이 될 수 있습니다. 조금 더 꼼꼼하게 글을 작성하고, 완성한 뒤에는 반드시 다시 읽어보는 시간을 가지세요. 그 외 문법상 크게 흠잡을 부분은 적습니다만, 글의 논리성과 완성도에 아쉬운 부분이 있습니다. TOEFL 독립형 글쓰기는 영어 능력뿐만 아니라 주장을 논리적으로 전개하는 능력을 평가합니다. 각 문단의 모든 문장이 해당 문단의 topic sentence를 튼튼히 뒷받침하게 하세요. |