▶ Your Answer :
Compared on to the past
generation, small family is much more common to today's people. However,
diverse factors motivate people to select expended family. It is evident that
big family is as important as past. This is because expended family give both
emotional and financial support to family member.
First of all, is -> it is indispensable
to keep large family because of financially help them. Financial advantages.
This is mainly due to the fact that the cost of living
these days is too high for most families to rely on single or even double
income. To be specific, friend's father has stressed out for burdensome
since it is hard to keep the family from only his salary. After considering
other option, the family decided to live with grandparent to reduce living
expenses. The decision gave rise to positively affect their lives, offering
more spacious house and freedom of economic. Therefore, this provide financial
satisfaction. <- 확대가족이 왜 경제적으로 여유로운지 설명이 없어요. 설명 해주세요. 확대가족이면, 부양가족수가 더 많다고 볼 수 있고, 그러면 경제적으로 더 힘들지 않나요? 구체적으로 본인의 의견을 서술해주세요.
In addition, living as an expended
family have a positive effects on emotional stability. This
largely results from fortifying molar stable and sharing sense of mind. For
instance, a variety of studies have continuously shown people who are given
emotional support more confident and successful. life with their family and
relative is valuable time to children as well as parents. they not only learn
about history of family, but they also feel emotion bonds. < - > 연결이 안되요. Quantity > Quality 가 중요한
이유를 설명해주세요. In other word, many children from big
family are less aggressive behavior than those from nuclear family. That is because children from small family are do not have enough
time to share their emotion and thought. As this example shows, living with
relatives provide people with emotional wealthy. 앞에 코멘트 했듯이, Quantity 가 왜 emotional bonding 에 중요한지
설명해주세요.
All things considered, expended family is definitely
still an important portion in society. As people can benefit from
financial and emotion, a lot of people choose to live with three or more
generations of family. In the regard, people living with each other
could try to overcome several hardships from problem of modern family.
Writing 0-30 Score
Scale
Fair (17-23)
Overall Comment: 전체적으로 설명이 부족했어요. 확대가족이 왜 Financially + emotionally
supportive 한지 설명을 더 해주셔야되요. 설명으로 핵가족도 같은 이유로 찬성 할
수 있을거 같아요. 확대가족 <-> 핵가족의 차이점에
대해서 고민하고 차별성을 꼭 찾아주세요.
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