▶ Your Answer :
Some
people think that movies made in their own country are more interesting because they feel
sympathy with the movie that includes same cultures. However, in my opinion,
watching overseas movies is as interesting as watching domestic movies in
terms of learning foreign country’s culture and language.
To
begin with, the foreign films allow
people to learn different cultures. This is because every country has their
own cultures, so we can see various scenes in the movie, such as different life
style, clothes people wear, and their country’s authentic food. For example, I like traveling because
I can be surrounded by different atmosphere. However, I am a student, so I have
tight budget. I cannot go all of world. Therefore, I enjoy watching overseas
movies. It is very good because I should not pay much money and can feel the
beautiful scenery indirectly. In addition, the movies include their own
exotic stories in the foreign film. <= Points 설명 좋습니다. Example 에서 영화 하나 골라서 구체적으로 서술하는것도 좋을거 같아요.
My favorite movie is ~~~ 이런식으로요!
On
top of that, movies made from foreign
countries permit people to learn foreign languages. This is due to the pact -> fact that
learning foreign languages with interesting movies is a good way to of learning
because people tend to watch their favorite movie again and again. Thus, other
countries' movies play a significant role in improving people's
learning languages. 설명이 부절절해요. 좋아하는 영화 반복한다고 언어 습득되는거 같지는 않습니다. 설명을
더 해주세요. For
instance, my younger brother really likes the movie “Harry Potter”,
so he had watched the movie several times when he had free time. Interestingly,
he spoke some sentences in English naturally, and he started to
be interested in learning English. Now he gets higher score in English
class than his peers who do not enjoy overseas film. 해리포터 좋아한다 -> 영어 관심생겼다 -> 영어 성적 좋아졌다/ 논리적 흐름이 없는거 같아요. 단계별로 설명 하도록 해보세요. 너무 큰 logical jump 를 한거 같아요.
To
sum up, movies made in other countries show people a wild range of
cultures and promote learning other countries languages. In this regard, I
believe that it is better interesting for me to watch non-domestic movies in
order to ensure people's future success.
Writing 0-30 Score
Scale
Fair (17-23)
Overall Comment: Body 1 설명은 좋았습니다. Example 은 조금 더 구체화 해주시면 좋을거 같네요. Body 2에서는 어떻게 외국어를 습득하게 되고, 이것이 왜 effective 한지 설명 을 해주세요. Example 에서도 영어
성적 향상 이라는 결론 보다는, 영어를 따라하게 된 계기, 이것이
왜 다른 학습 방법보다 유용한지 설명 해주시는게 좋습니다. |