▶ Your Answer :All people always want to do somethings that they would like to
do but we have to do things which they we do not want. I totally agree
with the statement that people should do tasks that they do not like to doing
at times. There are several examples to support my opinion.
First of all, most people would have ever experienced that
they really hate to do something but they had to do it. -> why? 이 말은 사례를 제시할 뿐 왜,
어째서 그러한지(하기 싫은 일도 해야하는 지)에
대한 설명이 아닙니다. From my
experience, one day, I did not want to go to school because my friends and I
wished we went to a beach for relieving the stress. Since we had an exam
and the day was not holiday we had to go to school. I occasionally hoped to
take a trip with my friends but I could not go to the trip. That is because
they thought that we are young to go on a trip without protector so, my parents
absolutely opposed. Like this, every one will have a similar experience such
as having to assignments.
Another example is that a lot
of people have a job which is not their favorite interest. For instance, one
person have has practiced dancing and singing for years to be a famous singer.
Although she debuted as a singer, she did not become well known. She finally
gave up her dream and enter a company. It is very difficult to achieve be a distinguished singer in
modern society because there are many aspirants who have more incredible
talent. Not only that, a great number of people have occupation which
they do not enjoy. They just take pleasure in their interests as pastime. ->현재로는 off-topic으로
보이는데, 주제와 연결시켜주는 부분이 부족합니다. 즉 현대
사회에서는 원하는 직업을 얻기 힘들기 때문에, 먹고 살기 위해서는 하기 싫은 일이라도 해야한다-는 요지인가요? 그렇다면 그렇게 연결시켜주는 문장을 꼭 써주세요
To make a long story short, it is not easy to do what you enjoy.
Even if it is tiny task such as announcement or it is their career choice. For
these reasons, I firmly agree that if although people do not want to do something, they should do that from
time to time.
Writing 0–30 score scale
Limited(8-13)
기본적인 사소한 문법실수가 종종 있고 사례를 설명하는 부분들이 문장이 매우 단순한데, 좀 더 다양한 어휘와 고급 표현을 사용해주면 좋겠습니다. 또한 body part의 두 문단 모두 근거를 제대로 제시하지 않고 사례만 설명하고 있습니다. 왜, 어떤 이유에서 그러해야 하는지에 대해 명확하게 구분되는 두
근거를 제시해주세요. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ |