▶ Your Answer :
The given topic of
whether is better to do things one by one than do things simultaneously is
intriguing. Although some people believe that coping with several things at the
time is better, I believe that it is better to take care of things one by one
for the following reasons. First
of all, people can get better results by doing things one by one. To be
specific, focusing on only one thing enables people to have thorough
understandings of their work and delve into their work more deeply. Consequently, it is more likely for people
to come up with better ideas to accomplish their work and achieve better outcomes. However, doing things
simultaneously is interfering with people’s ability to concentrate on their work. + 어떤 일을 할 때 단계적으로 해결을 해야되고, 그 단계속에서 실수나 오류는 최소화 할 수 있다 라고 설명 해주세요! My personal
experience can be used to prove this point. When I was in college, I tried to
do three assignments simultaneously. I was thoroughly confused and
disordered because there were too many things I had to handle at the same time.
After I had handed them in, my professor told me that I rarely focused on the
assigned topic. Hence, I could not get good grades and I learned that it is
better to do things one by one. Second,
doing things one by one allows people to save their time rather than doing
things simultaneously. Admittedly, people can increase their efficiency when
they fully focus on their work. <= Why? According to a renowned professor, it is evident
that people can use their time more effectively when they solely do one thing
and completely focus it on -> on it. He also goes on to say that it is more time-consuming and
difficult for people that prefer doing things simultaneously to complete their
work. Therefore, performing things one by one is more beneficial for people
than performing things simultaneously. Example 을 설명하는 식으로 했는데, 예시를
찾아야 되요. 정확히 누가, 왜 이런 결과차이가 있는지 이야기
해주세요. To
sum up, people can achieve better results and save time by doing things one by one.
Considering all of these reason, needless to say that I truly agree with the
given topic. Writing 0-30 Score
Scale Fair (17-23)
Overall Comment : Body 1,2 설명 더 해주세요. Body 1 에서는 어느정도 설명은 했지만, 위에 코멘트 부분 처럼 한문장 더 extend 해주세요. Body 2 는 핵심 설명이 없어요. 왜 save time 하게 되는지 그 과정을 설명 해주시고, 원인을 밝혀주세요. 조금 더 구체적으로 글 쓰도록 노력해보세요. |