▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, the invention of TV
plays a significant role in people's daily lives in many of the places where
they work or play. Some people think that Television should be expolited to
instruct people rather than to entertain them, while others do not. Both sides
may have their own reasons to support their views. If I were asked to choose
one, I would say that the purpose of Television should be educational not
entertaining.
To begin with, when people use
Television as a means of entertaining, it can contribute to an decrease in
their physical health. Watching television for entertainment exposes people to
be addictive and thus be less active situation. It is likely to have a negative negitive impact on
people's health. 텔레비전 앞에 오래 있으면서 건강이 상하는 것이므로 프로그램의 성격에 따른 영향이라 보기는 어려울 것 같아요. For instance, Tokyo University found a huge difference between
two groups of young adults in their physical health. One group consisted of
those who mainly watch Television for entertainment, and the other group groups was
made up of those who use Television in order to learn a language or skills. The
researchers found that the former was more likely to be susceptible to
addiction and be less active, and thus a lower resistance to diseases than the latter. In particular, the first group tended to be overweights and develop
diverse diseases such as symptoms of addiction addiction, diabetes diabates, and hypertension.
The researchers state states that it is attributed to Television which is are used to entertain people.
Moreover, using Television televison to
educate improves students' student's academic performance. performanace. Because television can
effectively visualize complex information, it enables them to easily understand
and learn many new things. when these traits are developed, it tends to bring a
better result in school. For instance, when my sister was in high school, she
often felt depressed thinking that her life became an exhausting routine. To
survive in a competitive society, she spent the whole time studying all
academic subjects, hoping that she could outdo others. Although she made
constant effort, it was not easy because everyone was working as hard as she
was and some rich students took additional classes at cram schools.
Fortunately, she was able to get over such pressure and stress in an a effective
way by watching educational TV programs. It was efficient for her because it
was easy to understand the contents and not expensive. Without TV, one would
fall behind. 마지막 문장은 논리적 비약에 해당하므로 빼는 편이 나을 것 같습니다.
All things considered, I strongly
believe that the advantages of telvision as educational tools far outweigh
those of television for entertaining for the reasons I have mentioned above.
All in all, using television to educate cannot be overestimated in the pursuit
of happiness in life.
Writing 0–30 score scale Limited - Fair (16-19)
기본적인 논설문의 형태를 잘 갖추었다는 점이 좋습니다. 하지만 논리 진행에 있어서 비약적인 점이 많다는 것이 아쉽습니다. 즐거움을 위해 텔레비전을 보면 건강을 해친다거나 남들보다 뒤쳐진다는 식의 표현은 논리적 비약으로 받아들여지기 쉽습니다. 설득력있는 주장과 설명에 유의하면서 연습해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수일치 관련 문법오류나 오탈자도 많은 편이니 신경써주시기 바랍니다. 수고 많으셨습니다. ^^
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