▶ Your Answer : Many
people believe that the best way we can learn a foreign language is to go to
the country in which it is spoken. Although I admit that learning language from
their own country is a good way, I strongly believe that it is better to learn
languages in their own country because there are lots of appropriate way
people can learn foreign languages -> there are lots of way 는 애매모호한 표현 이에요. 정확하게 그 way 가 무엇인지 설명 해주세요. ,
also it will save so much time and money.
First of all, learning foreign languages
in their own country provides people with great opportunity to find and develop
his or her best way. That is, it allows individual people with
different educational backgrounds and learning abilities to explore a various
way of learning which is fit for their interests. <= How?
Why? + 학원/과외/교환확생 과 같이 하는 학교
활동에 대해 설명 해주세요. One
person who illustrate this point is my sister. Her spanish seemed
that she had a low probability of pursuing higher level of her language,
However, against all expectations, my sister has improved her spanish by
taking an elective spanish course in college. If it had not been for this
optional course, she would not have been able to improve her foreign language.
Moreover, learning foreign language in
their own country, helps them to save so much time and money. This is
largely because money and time is very important elements for people to learn
other languages. There is no doubt that if people are going to other country
for just learning languages, they cannot help spending an exorbitant sum of
money and time. + 그만큼 국내에서 위에 언급한 program
들의 quality 도 좋다. 오히려 비슷한
quality 에 돈을 save 할 수 있다. For
example, people have been mindlessly spending their finance resources for
acquiring language skills in other countries. As a result, complicate and
difficult financial problems lead them to harsh situation with fruitless
results. Unfortunately, people need to spend a large amount of their money for
solving the problems and cannot help coming back to their own country. This
clearly proves that learning from other country needs to sacrifice a huge sum
of money and time efforts.
In summary, learning different languages at their own country has a very
positive influence on people. The reasons are that people can find
their own best way of learning and also they can keep their money and
time from spending dispensable things in other country. Writing 0-30 Score
Scale Fair (17-23)
Overall Comment : 전체적으로 idea 는 좋았지만, 아쉬운 점은 설명이 다소 부족했어요. 제가 위에 + 하고 코멘트 한 부분 꼭 읽어주세요. Body 2 에서는 단지 해외 나가는게
비싸다 라는 이유는 설득력이 떨어져요. 국내에서도 충분히, 좋은 quality 의 education 을 받을수 있는데,
비용 까지 저렴하다 라고 써주셔야 설득력 있습니다. |