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Some people think that human should
study various skills to succeed. However, I affirm that one specialized
technique is better that many not adroit skills to accomplish people's dream.
This is because today's society is very technical and needs precise skills, and
learning various subjects is not useful to succeed.
To
begin with, only people who have skillful technique can succeed in today's
society. Nowadays, society requires people to have
very developed skill because today's firms produce very complex and profound
products. In this case, it is almost impossible to have many perfect skills in a short time since it takes very long time to be a
master in a field. Thus, it is wiser to concentrate on improving one skill than
studying many arts. For example, my elder brother has been studying physics for
11 years and does not study English. Sometimes, I ask him why he still study(studies) the physics, and does not learn (English)foreign language. He always answers that there are tremendous knowledges
to have to study to be a specialist in the physics, and if he stop to study the
subject, and go into the society with his career, people will not think of him
as an expert in the field. And he mentions that the reason why
he does not study English is that there is no time to learn about it.
On top
of that, learning many skills is wasteful to succeed. This is because when a
person works in a society, the number of the skills used by the person is very(much) defined. This is because today's companies and
communities are highly segmented, and the each divided field is already filled
with experts. Moreover, the segmentation is being more and more developed along
with the society's growth. Thus, it is luxurious to invest time to have many
arts.(생략하세요) For
instance, according to my father's mention, his generation needed various
skills such as making tires, metals, and assembling them, to succeed in
automobile production field. However, according to my textbook, today's
employees in the car factory need only one or two skills to work in the
factory. This is possible because many factories are already automated and segmented. (예시를 learning
many skills 해서 fail 한 경험을 선택하세요.)
To sum
up, people do not have to learn many skills to succeed in a society because it
is impossible to be a master in various fields, and society wants people to
have perfect and high level of technique. In this regard, I agree with the
opinion that it is better to learn few skills than to specialize in various
skills if I want to succeed.
Writing 0-30 Score Scale
Fair (17-23)
Overall Comment: 전체적으로 내용 방향은 좋습니다. 주제를 잘 파악했고 주제에 벗어나지 않았습니다. 예시와 이유들을
잘 연결하지 않았습니다. 본론의 첫 번째 문단에서는 Learning one thing 해서 어떻게 사회에서 성공했는지 예시에 없습니다. Elder brother가 physics 만 공부해서 성공했다고
표현해주세요. 본론의 2번째 문단에 예시를 현재 와 과거에 필요한 기술들을 설명하지 말고 learning many skills 해서 fail 한 경험을 선택하세요.