▶ Your Answer :
In our globalized society, it is widely believed that airplanes have made great accomplishments on our daily lives. Some people advocate that airplanes make people reach to their own destinations in fast quickly. However, I disagree with this view. I firmly believe that cars have more advantages on society than airplanes. This is because first, using a car is less stressful and second, it is more efficient and convenient. First of all, people prefer using their cars to go other provinces because they can feel more relaxed and comfortable compared to taking an airplane. To be specific, people should immerse themselves into stressful process as well as complicated things such as worrying about weather or managing their passport and variable flight schedule. However, those who drive their car do not need to think about the problems, which as a result makes them to manage their stress, build a quality life, and maintain health. Stress is the main cause of disease, dissatisfying life, and shorter life span in general. As such, people should actively find ways to reduce their stress levels and stay health. People can do this better by driving their car when they move to other places. To illustrate, my friends and I planned to go to Gyung-po beach on vacation. I used a car to approach the attraction, in contrast, my friends took an airplane. I easily reached to our I (여태 쭉 I 였다가 왜 갑자기 복수..) destination, but my friends had difficulty to take a plane due to frequently changed flight schedule. Through this experience, I realized that driving a car is less stressful than taking an airplane. Thus, this proves that cars have more positive effects on our society than airplanes. Secondly, people tend to use their cars to move to other places since they make our daily lives much more convenient and efficient. In other words, driving a car creates more opportunities to arrive at their specific destination, which makes them achieve more in shorter time span, save extra time, and lead productive lives. In today's fast-paced world, there is a necessity to effectively manage time and money. For instance, according to a study done by the New York Times, it revealed that driving cars is highly preferred as a means to go other places rather than taking airplanes. This study indicated that a majority of people thought that they can easily reach to specific towns located even in countrysides. Cars let them directly reach to their own destination. On the other hand, once they took take an airplane, they needed need to consider not only paying more money for public transportation, but also spending time to access to an airport. Hence, it is legitimate to say that in our society, cars have made our lives efficient and convenient than airplanes. All things considered, it is my belief that my argument regarding this topic has been precisely and effectively delivered with the reasons mentioned above. Never should we forget that this issue may have a huge impact on our future. Writing 0-30 scale Fair(20-23) 자신의 주장을 지지하는 point를 적절히 선택하고 설명했습니다. 다만, 충실한 본론에 비해 결론이 부실한 것이 아쉽습니다. 균형 잡힌 글쓰기를 위해서는 간단하게나마 결론을 맺어주는 것이 좋습니다. 주장을 짧게 요약하고 각 point를 한 줄 정도로만 정리해도 충분합니다. 영어는 시제에 민감한 언어입니다. 한 문장 안에 여러 절이 있을 때에는 각 절마다 동사의 시제 사이의 관계가 어떻게 되는지를 잘 살펴보세요. 관사(a/an, the)를 어떤 경우에 어떤 것을 붙이고 어떤 경우에 붙이지 않는지를 확인해보세요. 또, 대명사를 쓸 때에는 앞선 문장들에서 가리키는 대상이 명확히 드러나는지를 반드시 확인하고 써야 합니다. |