Some people think that
the environment will be better in the coming years. However, I affirm that it
is difficult to restore the condition of the environment. This is because all
activities by human are to contaminate the earth, and many countries and
companies do not take part in the endeavors to save our planet.
To begin with,
representative human activities such as food, clothing and shelter are linked
to destruction of the earth. For people to survive, they must require
sustenance, dress, and building. In the process that people gather these,
they destroy environment. For example, when people produce food, they kill
numerous animals such as cows, pigs, and chickens, and they build many
structures (many infrastructures) to breed the live-stocks, and also
exterminate predators such as tiger and wolf, which eat the domestic animals.
To be specific, the number of consumption amount of chickens (chickens
consumed) for (in) a year in Korea is about seven hundred millions. Not
only that, people also kill many animals such as foxes and tigers to make
luxurious dress. In Korea, there are no tigers because many Japanese made them
extinct to gain its furs about 70 years ago. Finally, people easily destruct
environment to build their home. To make house, people burn and sweep away
forests. Amazon have (has) lost half of its extent for fifty years to
meet human's desire.
-e.g.)
Amazon has been destroyed for about 50 years due to human desire.
On top of that, although
the collaboration of many countries and businesses is imperative to save the
earth from contamination, many of them do not lend a hand. Many companies
produce its products by using fossil fuel, which emits fatal gases to the earth
and human. To decrease the level of gas emission, the firm's trial and
government's restriction and support is necessary. However, many of them do not
try to guard (protect) the earth's environment. This is because
the process to diminish the gas release requires a lot of money. For instance,
annually, many conferences are held to make a standard, which restricts many
countries to struggle to reduce harmful gas. However, there are many
disputes between developed countries and developing countries. The developed
countries' argument is that all of states must participation (participate)
in the regulation to save the earth because the problem is very arduous and
severe. On the other hand, the developing countries insist that developed
countries take more burdens since they have committed more contamination
that (than) developing states, and say that they will join in the
regulation after being developing country (once their economic stance
gets better). And these arguments seem not to finish (end) within short
time.
To sum up, I aver that
the condition of the environment will not get better in the coming years
because all of the human's activities pollute the environment and there is not
enough assistance from many countries and companies.
Grade : Good (24-30)
Overall Comment : 전반적인
주장이나 구성은 훌륭하나 적절한 어휘의 쓰임새에 대해 초점을 두고 연습하시는 것을 권장드립니다. 실제
사용되는 어휘 표현들이나 현대에 쓰이는 표현들이 아닌 격식체, 잘 쓰지 않는 표현들이 많이 보입니다. 단어의 뜻은 충분히 많이 알고 계시는 듯 하니 다양한 에세이들과 샘플 표현들,
그리고 주요 사용 어휘들을 염두에 두고 공부하신다면 충분히 고득점을 받으실 수 있습니다.
|
▶ Your Answer : Some people think that the environment will be better in the coming years. However, I affirm that it is difficult to restore the condition of the environment. This is because all activities by human are to contaminate the earth, and many countries and companies do not take part in the endeavors to save our planet. To begin with, representative human activities such as food, clothing and shelter are linked to destruction of the earth. For people to survive, they must require sustenance, dress, and building. In the process that people gather these, they destroy environment. For example, when people produce food, they kill numerous animals such as cows, pigs, and chickens, and they build many structures to breed the live-stocks, and also exterminate predators such as tiger and wolf, which eat the domestic animals. To be specific, the number of consumption amount of chickens for a year in Korea is about seven hundred millions. Not only that, people also kill many animals such as foxes and tigers to make luxurious dress. In Korea, there are no tigers because many Japanese made them extinct to gain its furs about 70 years ago. Finally, people easily destruct environment to build their home. To make house, people burn and sweep away forests. Amazon have lost half of its extent for fifty years to meet human's desire. On top of that, although the collaboration of many countries and businesses is imperative to save the earth from contamination, many of them do not lend a hand. Many companies produce its products by using fossil fuel, which emits fatal gases to the earth and human. To decrease the level of gas emission, the firm's trial and government's restriction and support is necessary. However, many of them do not try to guard the earth's environment. This is because the process to diminish the gas release requires a lot of money. For instance, annually, many conferences are held to make a standard, which restricts many countries to struggle to reduce harmful gas. However, there are many disputes between developed countries and developing countries. The developed countries' argument is that all of states must participation in the regulation to save the earth because the problem is very arduous and severe. On the other hand, the developing countries insist that developed countries take more burdens since they have committed more contamination that developing states, and say that they will join in the regulation after being developing country. And these arguments seem not to finish within short time. To sum up, I aver that the condition of the environment will not get better in the coming years because all of the human's activities pollute the environment and there is not enough assistance from many countries and companies. |
|