Some people may think that improving schools is
not the best way to advance a country. However, I think that developing schools
is the best option to advance a country. This is because when improving
schools, teachers can nurture students with critical minds and students
can be professionals by (with) enhanced eduactional (educational)
programs.
To begin with, students can learn ability of
reasoning and critical thinking more properly when schools are developed.
Investing on schools and developing them would enable teachers (teachers)
to encourage students to read many qualified books and have discussions (on
them). This would help students to think on their own and widen their
ability or (in) reasoning and critical thinking. When these students
grow older, they can judge by themselves on the political issues more
reasonably and would have (more) attention more to the important
policies and affairs of the society. It can lead to ideal Democratic
(democracy) and would advance the country. For example, in France, they
has put a lot of efforts and invests (investement) on improving
schools. These schools can encourage their students to
enlarge the ability of critical thinking and reasoning highly enough,
and this leads active participation of citizens in politics. Citizens
of France actively discuss their own opinions on political agendas
even sometimes they take actions such as protests, and contribute to the
enhancement of their country.
On top of that, students can be professionals
through qualified education by improving schools. If schools provide diverse
subjects and multiple qualified activities, such as physics, mock trials, field
trips, students would get much experience and find their
interests more easily. Additionally, when students want to improve or study
hard, developed schools can provide them the best place to prepare for their
goals with up-to-date facilities and materials. For example, in Korea, some
schools were highly improved thanks to its wealthy finance, and this could
help students develop their skills and widen their experience. They could
take (have) many field trips and qualified educational programs
and this could help them to be professionals of certain
fields. It is evident that the more professionals the country has, the
more advancements they achieve. Additionally, according to the research of the
University of California, more than 70% of present professionals suggested that
if schools are improved more than now, it would help students to be highly
skilled ones definitely.
To sum up, developed schools can enhance ciritical
(critical) thinking of students and let them to be more experts in their
fields. For these reasons, I agree with the statement that improving schools is
the best way to advance a country.
Grade
: Fair (18-23)
Overall
Comment : 주장이 전달되고 의견이 잘 드러났지만 이를 뒷받침하는 적절한 어휘의 표현이 사용되지 않았습니다. 또한 한 문장이 지나치게 길게 연결되는 습관이 발견되었습니다. 각 문장을 명확하고 핵심만 두드러질 수 있도록 작성하는 연습이 필요합니다. 기본적인 스펠링 오류와 문법적인 실수에 주의해 주세요.
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▶ Your Answer : Some people may think that improving schools is not the best way to advance a country. However, I think that developing schools is the best option to advance a country. This is because when improving schools, teachers can nurture students with critical minds and students can be professionals by enhanced eduactional programs.
To begin with, students can learn ability of reasoning and critical thinking more properly when schools are developed. Investing on schools and developing them would enable teahcers to encourage students to read many qualified books and have discussions. This would help students to think on their own and widen their ability or reasoning and critical thinking. When these students grow older, they can judge by themselves on the political issues more reasonably and would have attention more to the important policies and affairs of the society. It can lead to ideal Democratic and would advance the country. For example, in France, they has put a lot of efforts and invests on improving schools. These schools can encourage their students to enlarge the ability of critical thinking and reasoning highly enough, and this leads active participation of citizens in politics. Citizens of France actively discuss their own opinions on political agendas even sometimes they take actions such as protests, and contribute to the enhancement of their country.
On top of that, students can be professionals through qualified education by improving schools. If schools provide diverse subjects and multiple qualified activities, such as physics, mock trials, field trips, students would get much experience and find their interests more easily. Additionally, when students want to improve or study hard, developed schools can provide them the best place to prepare for their goals with up-to-date facilities and materials. For example, in Korea, some schools were highly improved thanks to its wealthy finance, and this could help students develop their skills and widen their experience. They could take many field trips and qualified educational programs and this could help them to be professionals of certain fields. It is evident that the more professionals the country has, the more advancements they achieve. Additionally, according to the research of the University of California, more than 70% of present professionals suggested that if schools are improved more than now, it would help students to be highly skilled ones definitely.
To sum up, developed schools can enhance ciritical thinking of students and let them to be more experts in their fields. For these reasons, I agree with the statement that improving schools is the best way to advance a country. |
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