▶ Your Answer : Some people argue that higher education should be available only to good students. However, in my opinion, this perspective is not true (참/거짓을 가르는 문제는 아닙니다. 글쓴이의 주관을 묻는 문제이므로 right, valid, acceptable 등 좀 더 주관적인 표현을 써도 좋습니다.) for two following reasons which I am going to elaborate. To begin with, college or university education enables students to gain more knowledge than higher education. In detail, since students are able to study their major seriously in depth, students attain professional knowledge. Also it is important to have a broad range of knowledge to excel succeed in today’s highly competitive society. Nowadays, students have to compete to seize the limited opportunities provided by job markets. Thus, having knowledge in a variety of fields will allow students to outdo others. Take Warren Buffett, for instance. He is a globally recognized CEO and an investor. Listed among Time’s 100 Most Influential People, Buffett mentioned in an interview that seeking knowledge in college or university shaped him into a successful business man. Such comment sounds highly convincing since he is a well-known man of success. In addition, college or university education allow students to achieve get (동사-목적어가 서로 어색합니다.) new experience. In detail, students have opportunities to get involved in of club activities and team projects in university universities. Furthermore, these opportunities give a chance for students to meet diverse people. Also students attain broader perspective through experience, which are qualities of a successful person. Students will always learn something from their experience, even if it seems unenjoyable of or difficult. For example, a survey was conducted by UCLA’s research department. The survey participants were asked if they agree with the idea that college or university education enable students to gain new experience. The result showed that 79 percent of the participants answered that they are in favor of this idea. Further, their opinions was were supported with logical reasons. (무슨 logical reasons? reason이 있다고만 하고 무엇인지 설명하지 않는 것은 설득력이 없죠.) This survey confirms my viewpoint. On the whole, I believe l have accurately demonstrated my point of view on this matter with two concrete reasons and evidence stated above. Since views of life and values differ among individual, it seems like this subject will always remain controversial. (불필요할뿐더러 글의 설득력을 떨어뜨리기만 하는 문장입니다.) Writing 0-30 scale Fair(22-25) 균형 잡힌 글쓰기를 위해서는 간단하게나마 서론과 본론만큼이나 결론도 중요합니다. 주장을 짧게 요약하고 각 point를 한 줄 정도로만 정리해도 충분합니다. TOEFL 독립형 글쓰기는 주장을 영어로 논리정연하게 전개하는 능력을 평가하는 시험입니다. 이를 위해서 본문의 각 문단은 각각 하나의 topic sentence를 핵으로 해서, 그것을 논리적으로 지지하고 발전시켜야 합니다. 문단의 모든 문장이 하나의 topic sentence를 뒷받침하는지, 또 각 문단은 하나의 topic을 뒷받침하는지를 잘 살펴보세요. 그 외 문법 및 표현상 어색한 부분은 본문의 첨삭을 참고하세요. |