▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that getting an advice from the friends who are older than my age is not more valuable than an advice from the friends of the same age my age. However, I think an advice from the friends who are older than me is better than an advice from the friends who are of the same age who are in my age. This is because older people have a wisdom of life and they concentrate and listen to my story more carefully. <(my 라고 하시면 글쓴이에게만 해당이 되는 내용이 됩니다.)
To begin with, the friends of older age have a wisdom of life. As they became older, they also have experienced a lot of things and feelings such as failure, depression, etc.<(etc. 라는 표현을 쓰는것은 추천하지 않습니다) By suffering those kinds of things, they learned how to deal with and cope with them. For example, when I have some worries about my school life, I talk with senior students in my college. Because they had the same worries as of mine when they were in my age, they try to solve my problems with their wisdom and knowledge which are being accumulated through their lives.
On top of that, older people concentrate and listen to my story more carefully. Actually, when I meet my friends of my age, they are busy to tell their own stories. Also, we have the same worries at the same time as we are all the same ages, which makes it hard to solve the problem. However, according to the research, there is a data that the older the people are, the more the people have sympathy and communication skills. This is because as the people get older, their listening ability and consideration to others are developed.
To sum up, I think that the friends of older age can give a more valuable advice than the friends of the same my age because of their wisdom of life, concentration and consideration of to others.
Score: Fair (20~23) Comment: 잘 서술해주셨습니다. 전치사와 article사용에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 글 정리를 조금 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |