There might be some people who believe that university should receive more amount of funding as their libraries. However, I agree with the statement for the two subsequently reasons. First, students can relieves themselves by using university's athletic facilities departments that is received the same amount of funding as libraries. Second, students should become closer to their friends through exercise experience with their classmates.
First, students can find relief by playing sports in good athletic departments. Today, many students suffer from high levels of stress caused by studying overtime. By using great condition athletic departments, students can forget about their problems at school. In this respect, playing in athletic departments is a great stress-reliever. To illustrate this point view, let me use an example the case of my friend, Grace, could be an example. She not only had has to compelted complete more assignment at school, but she also she had has to study for her final test in the library. When she was on 2nd grade in the university spond funding on arhletic departments as same amout of libraries. (Awkward sentence) As a result, it became to great athletic departments. So she tried to refresh her body and head by using this athletic departments. These behavior instantly provided excitement in an imaginary world. She seems to forget problems she had had at school and gain enough breathing space to look forward to studying the next day. If university spond spent less funding on athletic than library, she would not have known how she can to relieve stress at good athletic departments.
Second, if students play in athletic departments which had been funded as library, they can become will be given more chanced to be closer to their friends. In today's competition society, it can be difficult to forge strong ties with others. As a result, students may feel isolated not only from their friends, but also from their families. Great funded Usingathletic departments, however, as library can help to make good friends by learning how to aid each other through exercising together combat these social trends by providing good exercise tools or facility. According to the recent Wall Street Journal, good athletic departments in university to strengthen bonds among their friends. Indeed, exercising in athletic departments which is funded well as library enables students to laugh out and talk about their study at free atmosphere. It can help overcome to awkwardness that may exist not only among stranger, but also among acquaintances. As reported by this news article, it would reasonable to argue that university athletic department should receive the same amount of funding as university libraries.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence |
점수 | 2 | 3 | 3 | 3 |
Score | Fair 18-20 |
“athletic departments ” sports facility 등으로paraphrase 해주세요. 또한 spelling error가상당히 많은 편입니다. 글의 흐름을 방해할정도로 오류들이 많기 때문에 반드시 글을마무리하기전에 spelling check하시고 글을마쳐주세요. 또한 conclusion 이 빠져있기 때문에종합적인 summary를 담아서 서술하여 주세요.
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