▶ Your Answer :
There is
an argument over whether eating homemade food is better than eating at
restaurants of food stands. Many people believe that eating outside
is much better than eating at home since it helps people to save so much
time and is convenient. In my opinion,
however, is that eating homemade food is comparatively
benefit -> beneficial for
people because it is healthy and helps save a
lot money.
First of all, having meals at home provides
people with a great healthy diet. That is, it allows make
food with different ingredients and fresh vegetables for
their own or their family. Compared to restaurants' food, meals at
home adds less salts, sugars and other deterious <??
ingredients. The best example to demonstrate this point is my sister, she had
worked at a fusion restaurant which is one of the hottest place around her
campus. While she was working there, she found that the restaurant adds so much
expired ingredients and salts to the foods. <- 왜 이러는지? 건강보다 맛을 중시 하기 때문이다. 이것을 보고, sister 는 외식을 자제한다 정도로 써주세요. If it had not been for this
experience, my sister would not have been able to find out how bad eating
outside is.
Moreover, eating at home could save so much money. This is clearly evident
when one ponders that countless number of extra fees are charging because of
taxes and tips so on. Although people can have their meals outside with
convenient -> convinience, all
other extra charges are going to be paid
automatically. In support of this, one of the study clearly showed that eating
at a restaurant sometimes charges not only for meals and services, but
also extra fees for the number of people they are having meals together. <-
Extra fees 가 뭔가요? This
study also demonstrate that even though they think the amount of tips and appropriate
charges for meals, they need to pay more than that. Thus, it
reveals that people eating outside, often
pay a large amount of money automatically and it may causes huge damage to
their finance situation. < -너무 과합니다. + 설명 부분 보충 해주세요. Ex) 식당에 가면, 외식비, 자리비, 서비스비
등이 다 포함 되어있지만, 집에서 먹으면 이런것들이 다 빠진다.
To summarize,
I strongly support that eating at home has a very positive influence for many
people. This is largely because every meals we prepare, are always making with
healthy ingredients and also we can keep our money from wasting outside. I
wholeheartedly believe that these are one of the important factors for people's
successful life.
Writing 0-30 Score
Scale
Fair (17-23)
Overall Comment : 사소한 문법 실수 주의 해주세요. Body 에서 잡으신 Point 들 좋았어요. 아쉬운 점은, 설명이
조금 부족했어요. 위에 코멘트 꼭 읽어주세요. Body 1 2 모두
왜? Why? 에 대한 원인을 밝혀주세요! |