| |
| |
|
Some people may
think that the old have more enjoyable lives than the young. However, I think
that young people have more pleasurable lives than the elderly. This
is because young people are healthy enough to enjoy what they want contrast to
the elderly and have less burden to consider.
To begin with,
young people are much vigorous and have healthy physical ability to enjoy
diverse activities. They can do a variety of activities they want to experience
such as traveling, hiking, sky diving, and so on. However, compared to the
young, the elderly are not able to fully enjoy these activities. Since
many of the elderly are lack of physical ability to endure the
activities and can be much vulnerable when being injured (vulnerable to
injury), they cannot fully enjoy their lives compared to the young. For
example, when my grandmother recently told me that she became old
and had a backache,(문장을 여기서 끊으세요) so she thought she
would not travel as much as when she was young. Additionally, she also told
that her friends surrounding her had also experienced similar affairs that they
could not enjoy what they want because of their physicial(physical) limitation.
On top of that,
young people have less responsibility to assume compared to the elderly.
Compared to the old (people) who must consider many factors
when they spend their money, young people do not have much burden to take
care of (consider much). The old have to pay for much insurance
fee, rents or maintenance(maintenance) of house, and taxes
without much property and income. According to the research(research) of the
Administrative Department of the United States, more than 75% of the elderly
are not stable in their income and do not have enough property to live enjoying
their leisures(leisure). However, the young have less burden
and duty to take care of themselves, so they can put their invest on what
they want to do such as traveling abroad, or participating in
expensive extreme sports. For example, on a television program, they
introduced some young people who traveled abroad just without considering
anything and enjoyed their lives fully. Since they were young and no kids,
and no houses and so on, they did not need to consider duties or future
much. They had spent their money on what they want to do, and enjoyed their
lives as they can. (예시 2개 있습니다. 하나를 선택하세요.
부가적 진술에 young people의 경제적 자유에 대한 디테일을 쓰세요)
To sum up,
young people are healthier than the elderly to enjoy their lives and less
(fewer)factors to
consider when they spend their money on what they want to do. For these
reasons, I agree with the statement that young people have more enjoy able
lives than the elderly.
Writing 0-30 Score Scale
Fair (17-23)
Overall Comment: 토플 독립형 형식 맞게 잘 구성했습ㄴ다. 문장을 불필요하게 길게 쓰는 경향이 있습니다. 문단에 문장들의 길이가
다양성 있게 구성하세요. 본론의 2번째 문단에서 예시 2개 있습니다. 하나를 선택하세요. 부가적 진술에 young people의 경제적 자유에 대한 디테일을
쓰세요. 그리고, 스펠링 오류를 주의하세요.