▶ Your Answer : Definitely,
sports plays a vital role in people’s
daily places where they work or play. Some people argue that children should
play sports for competition rather than for fun, while others do not. Both
sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I had to choose
one, I would say that playing sports for fun is better than doing for
competition. There are several reasons as follows. First
and foremost, if children play sports for fun, it will help them improve their
academic performance. Doing sports for fun enables them to be cooperative,
communicative and polite to others, and finally learn about how to deal with
problems in their lives on the basis of collective effort. This is contrary to the fact that doing for
competition requires them to outdo others without relying on other people.each other <여기서 앞 뒤 문장이 내용적으로 어떻게 연결되는지 잘 모르겠습니다. 즉 cooperative하는 것이 outdo others(competitive)보다 academic result에
더 도움이 되는건가요?>Accordingly, when they play sports for fun, it is likely to
bring a better result in school. For
example, Seoul National University analyzed data from a longitudinal study on
two groups of young students who took a physical education class. One group
consisted of those who were not given a grade and took the class for fun, and
the other group was made up of those who were strictly given a grade according
to the degree of their excellence in sports. The researchers found that the
former was more likely to have a higher score on the SAT than the latter. In
particular, the first group showed a stronger passion in their tasks and a
longer attention span. On the contrary, the second group tended to
procrastinate and get distracted easily. <-결과가 중요한 것이 아니라, 왜 그러한지-를 설명해줘야합니다.(“왜, 어떠한
이유로” 전자가 더 stronger passion과 집중력을
보였나요?) This implies that
playing sports for fun is good for developing academic performance. On
top of that, when children do outdoor activities for fun, they can mingle well
with others because of a friendly atmosphere. To be specific, in a friendly
atmosphere, children can exchange their thoughts and views at ease and deeply
understood different backgrounds which others have. In this regard, playing sports for
fun is likely to provide children with more chance to fraternize with one
another without pressure of competition. Take Christiano Ronaldo, for instance. Ronaldo, a famous soccer
player of Real Madrid, mentioned in an interview that playing soccer for fun at
a young age helped him to have a great number of friends from an early age. This
is because he could easily hang out with others without excessively concerning
about developing his competitiveness,->그리고 이러한 것이 그의 성장/성취에 어떤 도움을 주었나요? which is consistent with my
viewpoint. In
conclusion, I have accurately demonstrated my point of view on this matter with
two concrete reasons and also with evidence stated above. Since views of life
and values differ among individuals, this subject will always remain
controversial. Writing 0–30 score scale Fair-Good(22-26)
문장 및 표현들이 자연스럽고, 어휘도 다양하게
쓰여 좋습니다. 기본적인 표현력이 좋으신 것으로 보이는데, 다만
근거를 설명할 때에 연결이 부족한 부분이 있으므로 보완해주시면 좋겠습니다. 또한 뒷받침하는 예시를 제시할
때는, 결과가 중요한 것이 아니라, 어째서, 왜 그러한 장점을 가지고 있는지에 집중하여 설명해주세요. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ |