▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that universities should use
their funds to improve food at university cafeterias rather than to support
social activities for students. However, in my opinion, universities should
invest in supporting social activities for students not improving food.
This is because supporting social activities for students can make their
students have chances to learn social skills and can help their students
broaden their perspective.
To begin with, investing in supporting social
activities for students rather than improving food at university cafeterias is
able to make their enables students
to have opportunities to
learn social skills. What we should not forget is that main purpose of
university is making excellent students not good food. To return, Developing social
skills makes students conform their career after they graduate from university.
So In order to develop this ability, students should experience many social
activities while they are in university. And, university can make the condition
by using their funds to support social activities for students. Social
activity 를 support 하면 어떻게 학생들 social
skills 를 키울 수 있을까요? A study
conducted by Seoul National University showed that developed social skills give
students positive effect about their career. The researchers tracked students
who experienced social activities while they are in university and those who
did not. What they found was that the former tend to conform their career. The
reason is that because they already had excellent social skills, they did not
make their hater. Rather, many people liked them. Inevitably, it was linked to
success in career.
On
top of that, investing in supporting social activities helps students broaden
their perspective. This is because they can have broad perspective when
they meet diverse people and learn about various perspective. It is possible
through funds that be used to support social activities for students. I know
this from my personal experience. When I was in university, I experienced many
social activities that was managed by my university. At first, I thought that I
am the person that have great understanding about everything such as academy,
life, friend relationship. However, whenever I met various type of people, I
felt that the thought had been stupid. There were excellent people who have
creative thought and is smarter than me. This experience gave me precious
lessons that people should be humble and there are many excellent people in the
world. These was not the same as something that I could learn from books. <- 과정에 대한 설명이 없어요. Social activity 가
무엇을 말하고, 이것을 support 하는게 다양한 사람들을
어떻게 모으게 하나요?
To sum up, investing in supporting social
activities for students is able to make their students have opportunities to
learn social skills and can help their students broaden their perspective. For
these reasons, I think that investing in supporting social activities is better.
Writing 0-30 Score
Scale
Limited (0-16)
Overall Comment: Essay 전체적으로 핵심적인 설명이 부족해요. Body 모두, social
activity support 가 무슨 의미를 가지고, 이것이 어떻게 학생들에게 benefit을 주는지 과정을 설명 해주세요. 1. 비교 설명 하실
필요없이, 한 아이디어의 장점 2가지 이야기 하시는게 더
좋습니다. 2. I used to play soccer 로 과거형으로 써주세요. 3. 두 가지 더 써야 됩니다. 좋은 점 설명 하기 전에, 왜 선택해야 되고, 선택 한 다음에 어떤 일들이 생기고, 그 일들이 어떤 장점을 야기 하는지 순으로 써주세요.
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