▶ Your Answer :
Various opinions may
exists over the argument that teachers had greater influence on young people in
the past than they do today. In my case, I strongly argue that teachers have
greater influence on young people today than they did in the past. There are two
reasons for my opinion. First of all, teachers help their
students get a better job. These days, students face fierce competition in a job market
since there are too many candidates with not so many jobs available.
Consequently, it has become extremely difficult to find suitable and rewarding
jobs without any help. In order to become desirable job applicants and find
success in their future career, students should become competent by learning
from their teachers as much as they can. Therefore, teachers’ influence on young
people becomes greater today. <- 과거에는
teacher 가 find better job 에 신경을
안쓴건가요? My personal experience can be illustrated to prove this point.
When I was in high school, I started looking for a job. At that time, I was not
able to pass the job interview since I did not have required knowledge about
various topics. Then I joined a study that was managed by my teacher. At there,
my teacher gave a lot of materials to read and taught various topics including
global economy and history. Finally, I could use my knowledge to answer
questions in the interview and pass the interview. <- 본인의 스토리가 현대사회 의 모습을 보여주고 있지는 않는거 같아요. 과거 teacher 들도 예시 나온 내용처럼 했을거 같네요. Second,
teachers can usher their students into
the right direction by teaching them precious lessons and values. These
days, as technology moves forward very fast, students are forced to spend most
of their effort to learn new technology. Therefore, students do not have enough
time to have thorough understandings of life and are likely to become incapable
of coping with problems at pivotal moments of their lives. At such times, their
teachers can enlighten them about important values and lend a helping hand to
become a better member of the society. I know this from my experience. When I
was in middle school, cellphone became widespread and computers were developed
very fast. Hence, I and my friends only focused our interest on these new
devices. Consequently, I did not have time to think about my life and goal.
Later on, I had to face some difficulties choosing my field of study. I did not
know what to consider and what my innate abilities are. At that time, my teacher
helped me establishing my goal by telling me his past experience. Finally, I
could be able to solve my difficulty and became success in my field. From my
experience, I strongly contend that teachers have much greater influence on
their students today than they did in the past. Writing 0-30 Score
Scale Limited (0-16) Overall Comment: 내용 전체적으로 Off-topic 이에요. 선생님의 role 에 대해 쓰는 에세이 같아요. 과거와 현재의 교육환경/사회변화 에 대한 배경설명을 먼저 해주세요. 같은 에세이를 과거 에 영향을 더 많이 미쳤다 라고 써도 논리적으로 문제 없어 보여요.
이런 주제에서는 두 상황을 비교하고, 현대 사회에서 일어나는 특별한 점/양상 에 대해 고민해보세요!
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