▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that the news media is a trustable source.
However, in my opinion, it is unreliable since the news media receives pressure from the government
and money from company.
To begin with, the news media is not a reliable.<-이것은 에세이 전체 주장이지 근거가 아니므로, 이 문단에서 설명할 첫 번째 근거를 제시해주세요. In detail, most of the broadcasting systems are supervised/censored by the authorities, which
leads media to inform biased information. Thus, it is hard to believe. Let me bring about my personal experience.
Recently, I watched a news about Korea’s miracle (Miracle on the Han River-이라고 말한 뒤 이것이 어떤 것인지(경제 부흥)에 대해 언급이 필요합니다) in 1970s. It was so great because Korean
went through hard time in economy 40 years ago before, so I wanted
to share this story with my friend after watching the news. However, my friend
said it was not a miracle because many people died of for unknown reason as well as
and had to be sacrificed for economy.<-정확히 무슨 의미인가요? It turned out to be the worst economic development, and the news media promoted/emphasized only positive view
point about (/aspect of) Korea miracle by because of the governmental pressure. As a result,
I give an effort to see a wide variety of news media in order to have
well-balanced information. This experience shows that media can provide
people with partial source.partial source에 대한 사례가 아니라, 정부 압력에 대한 이야기 아니었나요? 또한 사례를 설명할 때, 핵심은 언론이 정치적 압력을 받으므로 biased하다 라는 것이므로, 어떠한 사건을 다룰 때에 정치적 압력이
(~~한 이유에서) 존재했다-는 것을 중점적으로 설명해주세요.
On top of that, the news media can receive money from certain
companies. In detail, many companies perform corporate lobbying
toward the news media for their profits, which results in misinforming about the product. For example, recently, I saw the Channel A
which is one of the news channels in Korea. It seemed strange because this channel offered only
Samsung company’s products
articles, giving only positive aspects. Few days after, I saw the news through the other news channel that
Samsung gained penalty because they gave a great deal of money to Channel A to
make their positive image although their products have critical problems. As a
result, I realized that news media is always not reliable.
To sum up, the news media can be biased because they are under the
government’s observation, and earn bribe inappropriate profits from certain
companies for promotion. In this regard, I firmly believe that news media
cannot be a reliable source of
information inform partial sources.
Writing 0–30
score scale
Limited-Fair(14-18)
기본적인 사소한 문법실수가 많은 편이고, 어색한 문장들이 전체적으로 종종 있습니다. 이에 주의하시는 것이 중요하겠습니다. 또한 특정 개념 등을 설명할
때, 전 세계적으로 알려진 것이 아니라면 해당 개념에 대한 설명을 해주어야 사례로서 설득력있게 사용할
수 있습니다. 첫 번재 근거의 첫 문장은 근거의 요지와 주장을 연결시켜 이 문단의 핵심을 한 마디로
설명하는 문장이 되는 편이 좋으므로, 에세이 전체의 주장이 아닌 근거를 제시해주세요. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ |